“

It’s the last Impact! before Santa Claus visits Orlando and we are LIVE-ish in the Impact Zone!! No video package this week as we’re straight into the open for the show and right into our opening bout of the evening!!

Match One:
Lance Rock vs. Rhino

Mike Tenay hypes the main event with the TNA Frontline (AJ Styles and Samoa Joe) getting the Main Event Mafia (Kevin Nash and Sting) in the Six Sides of Steel tonight!! They also bring up that Rhino will be getting the shot at Sting’s TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Genesis. Rhino opens with a kick to the gut and whips Rock into the corner, following with a BIG belly-to-belly suplex. He sets up for the GOAR and ROCK KICKS HIM IN THE FACE!! Right hands from Rock and he rams Rhino into the top buckle before choking him with his boot. Big right hand drops Rhino and Rock covers for a two-count before hitting the chinlock. Rhino fights out of it but Rock forearms him down. Rock with an Irish whip into the corner, but Rhino charges out with a clothesline and some shoulderblocks before hitting another BIG belly-to-belly suplex into the GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAARRRRRRR!!! There’s the cover and there’s the three-count!!

Winner: Rhino (pinfall, GOAR!!)

Post-match, Rhino gets on the mic and calls the TNA Frontline down to the ring. Rhino says that when they all decided to go against the MEM and fight for what they believe in, they knew it would be a bloody fight and that bones would be broken. He says that what the MEM did to Brother Ray is something they won’t stand for and that if they want a fight, they’re damn sure going to get it. He brings up that Genesis is three weeks away and that not very long ago, he already beat Sting in the middle of the ring. He says that he’s not just going to beat Sting for the title, he’s going to leave Sting in a pile of his own piss, blood and shit. He says that last week, the Mafia raised the bar but this week they’ll raise it even higher. Styles says that because of last week’s actions from Booker and Steiner, they’re in a match with Matt Morgan and Abyss this week. He talks about the main event and says if they want to act like animals, they’ll be animals cage and all. Joe promises that what they did to Brother Ray last week won’t compare to what they do to them this week. He says that Joe knows violence and that their surrender won’t be accepted. He tells them that when they enter that cage, they’ll come to the realization that Joe Is Going To Kill Them!!!

Random Impact! Observation #1: That was a FANTASTIC opening segment with Rhino, AJ and Joe carrying the promo like nobody’s business. AJ and Joe looked like true main eventers and they both looked like they were ready to kill because of what happened last week. As much as the strong promos are helping them, they need to look strong in the main event too to keep that momentum going. I’m loving the Frontline vs. MEM stuff so far.

JB is in the back with Kurt Angle and Angle says that there is going to be blood shed, but it’s the Main Event Mafia that will be doing the spilling. He says that he’s going to do what he has to do and pay tribute to Jeff Jarrett because it’s the right thing to do because after Genesis, Jarrett will be extinct. He says that no one is going to want to miss what he has planned, and that he has a special guest, ending with a “Bang Bang!”.

Random Commercial Observation #1: The Whopper Virgins. Oy. I love how they sell that these people have “never seen a hamburger before” by having them hold it all backwards. I’m surprised one of those Eskimos didn’t eat their own hand trying to dig into that Whopper.

Lauren is in the back with the Motor City Machine Guns and she brings up how they both have their sights set on the X Division Championship. Sabin says that it’s right and that while they both have the opportunity for the title, she’ll have the chance to be the meat in a Motor City sandwich later tonight. She brings up what would happen if they meet in the finals, and Shelley corrects her by saying “WHEN they make it to the finals”. He bags on Mick Foley again and says that in Detroit, they’re not talking about the auto bailout, they’re talking about which of the Sons of Detroit is going to win X Division gold.

Match Two: X Division Championship Tournament Match
“The Guru” Sonjay Dutt w/So Cal Val vs. Chris Sabin w/Alex Shelley

Random Impact! Observation #2: It’s been like two years since that BaseBrawl angle Sonjay, take that fucking baseball glove off. You look like an idiot…

They start out with some chain wrestling before Sabin buries a kick to the gut on Dutt. They flip around and reverse each other all over the place before Dutt pulls Sabin off the ropes and slams him stomach-first to the mat. Dutt chokes Sabin across the middle rope as we see Sheik Abdul Bashir sitting at the top of the ramp. Dutt distracts the referee and lets Val do some sneaky choking, before Dutt hits a BIG slam on Sabin. Dutt drags Sabin to the apron and slams his chest on it before popping up to the apron for a springboard into a slapping arrogant kick. He covers and gets a two-count, with Sabin getting some shots in before eating a jawbreaker into a hurracanrana that gets another two-count for Dutt. Dutt rams Sabin into the top turnbuckle and buries the shoulder a couple of times before hitting the PRAYING KICK TO THE FACE!! Snap mare from Dutt and he lays some boots in on Sabin. GARVIN STOMP!!! He chokes Sabin with his boot and prays before bounding off the ropes, but Sabin hits a reverse atomic drop into a flurry of kicks that stagger Dutt into the corner. Big flying reverse elbow in the corner by Sabin and he follows it with a HUGE SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE for a two-count!! Sabin sets Dutt up for the Cradle Shock, but Dutt fights out of it and bites Sabin in the face. Sabin nearly grabs a Tombstone on Dutt, but Dutt flips up into a tornado DDT, following it with standing Shooting Star Press for a LOOOOOOOOONG two-count. Dutt hits a legdrop and tries a springboard move, but Sabin catches him in position for the Cradle Shock. Dutt gets free of it again and hits a standing enziguri. Dutt off the ropes and he tries for another hurracanrana, but Sabin catches it and throws him up into position and hits THE CRADLE SHOCK!!! 1-2-3!! Sabin moves on in the tournament!!

Winner: Chris Sabin (pinfall, Cradle Shock)

Lauren has “Sarah Palin” with the Beautiful People and they’re asking how much more gubernatorial they have to look to come with her to the White House. Palin says they’ll have to look more like a First Lady like Barbara Bush. One of the slores says Babs looked like a tranny, and Kip busts in saying that he’s the fashion consultant and that they don’t need Sarah’s help. The other slore cuts him off and says that they love him, but that she’s a Governor and that she’s going to have her own makeup artists and that they want to use them. Kip throws a PMS fit and huffs off into the arms of the nearest long-haired biker as the segment closes out.

Back from the break, we’re in ODB’s Angle and she’s got Christy Hemme as her guest. ODB asks about Hemme’s win in the 2004 Diva Search before asking about Playboy (saying that Hemme’s curtains match the drapes). Hemme says it was all fun and ODB asks her about Hef’s old balls before saying that she hates how all these Playboy Diva girls think that they can throw on a pair of boots and pretend to be wrestlers. Hemme says that that’s why she loves being in TNA, because there’s real challenges. HERE COMES RAISHA SAEED!!! BITCHSLAP TO HEMME!! She flings Hemme into the fence at the back of the set as Rahka Kahn looks all intense and threatening. Saeed BEATS HEMME DOWN WITH A TRASH CAN!!! Pull-apart brawl and HERE’S TNA SECURITY TO BREAK IT UP!! In the famous words of Joey “One-Punch” Styles, “Cat-FIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTT!!”

JB is in the back with the MEM and Mick Foley’s in their locker room. Nash is trying to adjust Foley’s spine and he tells him to knock it off, saying that they had good times last week, but the MEM has crossed the line. He says that Brother Ray challenged Kurt Angle to a wrestling match, not a gang (beeeeeeeeeeeeeep). I pray to God, he didn’t say gangbang. Angle says that it was a wrestling match that turned into a streetfight and that he had no choice. Foley tells Angle that he should have gone about it one-on-one. Angle tells him that he should know better and that this business is built on the boys and brotherhood. Foley tells them that they have to promise that there aren’t going to be any more beatdowns. They agree and they all toast with more champagne.

Random Commercial Observation #2: Captain Morgan’s Holiday Miracles are some of the best holiday commercials I’ve seen in a long time. Every single one of them have been funny and they all fit right into the wheelhouse of my quirky and lame sense of humor.

Back from the break, we get a look at Beer Money Inc in the TNA Quick Cut. Robert Roode talks about his family life growing up and how he started playing hockey when he was four years old. He says he wasn’t into monster trucks or GI Joe’s, it was about sports and competing. He says he’s always been competitive and that he played at a high level for most of his younger days. He talks about how growing up in Toronto it was rich in wrestling tradition and he watched it a lot on Saturdays. He brings up his training and his first match in 1998 and how his passion switched from hockey to wrestling almost instantly. He says that the first time he stepped into the ring, it felt like he was supposed to be there and that he was home. He talks about paying his dues and that he’s proud that he never quit and that he’s in it to be the best. I’ll say it every week, I love these segments. It was fun to see Robert Roode from the old-school weekly PPV days and it was even more fun to see Scott D’Amore again as I always liked him from those older shows

Match Three:
Scott Steiner and Booker T w/Sharmell vs. Matt Morgan and Abyss

Abyss and Booker get things underway and they hit a lock-up with Abyss giving a clean break in the corner. He tries a right hand, but Booker ducks under and pops Abyss with a flurry of his own. He whips Abyss into the ropes, but Abyss reverses and puts Booker on his ass with a BIG shoulderblock. Booker takes over with a kick to the gut and some right hands, but Abyss turns it around quick with an Irish whip into the corner and a follow-up clothesline. Booker rolls over to tag in Steiner and Abyss takes the opportunity to tag in Morgan. They struggle to the corner, where Steiner takes over with a cheapshot to the eyes. Chops from Steiner and he tries an Irish whip, but Morgan blocks it into some knees to the gut. Irish whip from Morgan and he hits a reverse elbow into a BIG sidewalk slam. Morgan off the ropes with a jumping legdrop that gets a long, LONG two-count. Booker comes in to try to break it up and Abyss sends him out to the floor as we head to commercial!

Back from the break, and Booker and Steiner are double-teaming Abyss in their corner. Booker lays in some boots and knees before backing off to land a HUGE thrust kick. Cover and Booker gets a long two-count before tagging in Steiner. Double-Irish whip by Steiner and Booker and as they try for a double-clothesline, Abyss breaks through it and knocks down both men. HOT TAG TO MORGAN!! Big shots to Booker and Steiner!! Bodyslam on Booker!! Steiner attacks from behind with a forearm and tries an Irish whip, but Morgan reverses it into the CARBON FOOTPRINT!! 1….2…BOOKER BREAKS IT UP!! Abyss sends Booker out to the floor with a clothesline and follows him out, ramming him into the steps as Morgan has Steiner in trouble with some elbows in the corner. Sharmell freaks out and screams at Abyss as he’s beating on Steiner and he shrugs her off!! Sharmell starts SHREIKING AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR CLUTCHING HER LEG!! Morgan has Steiner up in a fireman’s carry, but Booker sneaks in and WAFFLES Morgan in the leg with the lead pipe!! AXE KICK FROM BOOKER AND THERE’S THE THREE-COUNT!! Sharmell bounces up immediately, jumping around and waving it in Abyss’ face. Tenay calls it an “Academy Award winning acting job”, proving that he hasn’t watched a movie…ever.

Winners: Scott Steiner and Booker T (pinfall, Booker axe kick on Morgan)

We come back to a video package with Brutus Magnus, looking like he fell out of the extras truck on the set of Gladiator. That should work out well for him.

Kurt Angle makes his appearance now for his tribute to Jeff Jarrett, holding his TNA DVD and smiling at the camera like the cat that ate the canary. Angle says that before he begins, he’s proud to show everyone his DVD which features over seven hours of footage and some of the greatest matches of his career. He says that if everyone would look at the screen, he’s going to talk a little about Jeff Jarrett’s career. He brings up Jarrett’s debut at the age of sixteen, showing pictures of Jarrett back in the good old days of Memphis wrestling. He talks about Jarrett’s time in the WWF, saying that he won seven Intercontinental Championships and a WWF Tag Team Championship with Owen Hart, prompting a big “Owen” chant. He moves on to Jarrett’s WCW career and how he was a four-time WCW Champion. He says that when everyone thought that Jarrett couldn’t prove anything more, he started his own company, TNA. Within six years, TNA became a world-renowned company with their two-hour Impact and moving into Global Impact.

He claims that Jarrett built an empire and that when he thought that he couldn’t do anything more, he returned at Bound For Glory and screwed him. Angle says that at Genesis, the storybook is going to come to a tragic end because after twenty-five years of Jarrett busting his ass to stay in the wrestling business, he’s going to drown in a pool of his own blood. He says that the wrestling community can live without Jeff Jarrett before asking if “they” can as a picture flashes up on the screen of Jarrett’s three daughters. He says that after Genesis, those three beautiful little girls are going to become orphans before promising that Uncle Kurt will have it in his heart to adopt them and make them his. HERE COMES JEFF JARRETT!! He’s at the ramp without a mic and he says he’s heard that shit for the last time. BG James, Terry Taylor, Scott D’Amore, Earl Hebner are all trying to hold Jarrett back as he screams at Angle that he’s a worthless son of a bitch. Angle’s out to the floor and TNA security is holding him back!! SMELL THE TENSION!!

Random Impact Observation #3: I get what they’re doing with the Angle/Jarrett deal, but bringing the kids into it made it a little uncomfortable for me. You can say you want to crush him in the business world and kick his ass in the ring, but when you start throwing the pictures of the kids up and claiming they’re going to be orphans, that kind of crosses the line. Not in the good TNA catchphrase way, but in the kind of icky, kind of shady, kind of smarmy way. Just my two cents on it.

After the commercial, we head into the back with JB and he’s in Jeff Jarrett’s office. Jarrett’s yelling at BG James and throwing shit all over his office as Mick Foley shows up. Jarrett storms off and BG says that it’s half Mick’s fault.

Match Four: X Division Championship Tournament Match
Kyoshi vs. Consequences Creed

They immediately talk about Kyoshi and his look, which is a carbon copy of his tag team partner and mentor, The Great Muta. Kyoshi grabs a side headlock and Creed shoves him off into the ropes before eating a shoulderblock. They do a rope-running sequence before Creed hits a low dropkick into a big elbowdrop that gets a two-count. Irish whip from Kyoshi and he charges in, geting flipped over the ropes by Creed. He pops Creed with a right hand and a shoulderblock before flipping over Creed back into the ring and hitting a belly-to-belly suplex that gets a two-count. Big chops from Kyoshi and he chokes Creed across the middle rope before slinging him back into the ring and hitting a beautiful low clothesline for a two-count. Nerve pinch from Kyoshi and he mugs for the camera before Creed elbows free of it and runs the ropes. Kyoshi ducks under a clothesline and hits a reverse jawbreaker before breaking Creed down with kicks. Low dropkick from Kyoshi gets a two-count and he picks Creed up for a big scoop slam. Kyoshi’s up to the top rope and he MISSES THE FLYING HEADBUTT!! Creed ducks some right hands and hits rights of his own, springing off the ropes into a double-sledge. Clotheslines from Creed and he Irish whips Kyoshi in before backflipping over him into a standing enziguri. Rolling clothesline from Creed gets a two-count and Creed tries a kick into a CreedDT, but Kyoshi reverses it into a kick. Kyoshi hits a big slam and gets another two-count, but Creed hits a jawbreaker into an Irish whip. Kyoshi reverses it and as Creed tries to springboard out of the corner, Kyoshi dropkicks his legs out from under him. Kyoshi’s up top and he hits a picture-perfect MOONSAULT!! You can count to a hundred because it’s all over!!

Winner: Kyoshi (pinfall, moonsault)

We head to the back and Kip is arguing with Velvet and Angelina and storms off again as they argue with “Sarah” claiming that they’re ugly now because they have ugly clothes and no makeup on. She asks if they want to be wrestlers or role models to every man, woman and child in America. She claims that they could be bigger than Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie and Barack Obama, you bet’cha. She says that they’re beautiful and that they have to trust her.

We hit a commercial break and when we’re back from it Tenay and West give us an update on the condition of Brother Ray. We get highlights of last week’s main event match and Brother Ray going through the wall of the ramp. We see them fighting to the back and the eventual attack from the Main Event Mafia, including Brother Ray’s speech and the MEM dumping him into the dumpster. Tenay says that Brother Ray suffered a concussion, several broken ribs and a “busted eardrum”. Thank you Dr. Tenay. West says that they’ve called every TNA match and that the beating that Brother Ray took was the most vicious and most brutal they’ve ever seen.

From there, Tenay throws it to a sit-down interview with suspended TNA referee Shane Sewell. Tenay asks Sewell about his transition from wrestler to referee. Sewell says that he had a dream of wrestling in the big leagues and that he was on his way, but he suffered a neck injury and was told that if he injured it again he could have ended up paralyzed. They talk about the incident with Sheik Abdul Bashir and Sewell says that he can’t afford to lose this job, but that he’s not going to stand for someone putting their hands on him. He says that he’s asked to not referee Bashir’s matches, but he doesn’t control it. Sewell guarantees that if Sheik causes him to lose his job, he won’t leave TNA peacefully. Tenay wishes him good luck in his return next week.

Match Five: TNA Knockouts Streetfight
Rhaka Kahn and Raisha Saeed vs. Christy Hemme and ODB

Random Impact Observation #4: ODB needs to lay off the hooch. Bitch be getting large. No wonder she’s not wearing that one-piece outfit anymore.

The faces rush the ring and all four ladies are out to the floor and brawling immediately. ODB hits a big slap chop on Kahn’s chest as Hemme whips Saeed over the guard rail. Hemme drops Saeed acorss the rail as Kahn takes over on ODB in the ring. Hemme comes into the ring as Kahn chokes ODB in the corner. Kahn turns around into a spear from Hemme and they double-team Kahn down with shoulderblocks. Hemme’s up to the top rope and she kicks Saeed down to the floor as ODB slams Kahn. Hemme hits the Flying Firecrotch Guillotine and they get the pinfall!! HERE COMES AWESOME KONG!! DOUBLE-CLOTHESLINE!! IMPLANT BUSTER ON HEMME!! IMPLANT BUSTER ON ODB!!! THE LIGHTS GO OUT!! HERE COMES SUICIDE!!! Suicide charges and Kong bails out to the floor as the lights go out again. The lights come back on and Suicide is gone as Kong is on the floor, looking creeped out.

Winners: Christy Hemme and ODB (pinfall, Flying Firecrotch Guillotine)

JB is in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room with Sting and Nash and he asks Sting about whether their campaign to gain respect has been thrown to the side after the attack on Brother Ray and tonight’s Six Sides of Steel main event. Sting says that he doesn’t have the words and asks Nash to answer the question. Nash says that he’s known Sting for twenty years and that no one has more integrity than him. He gets on Borash for doubting Sting and then says that he’s never shown any disrespect to Sting whether they’ve been teammates or enemies. He says that he would never try to end Sting’s career or spit in his face, and reminds Sting that AJ spit in his face. He says that they asked Team 3D to join the MEM and that they turned them down and spit in their face before beating them down with weapons. He tells Sting he can’t do it alone and that he needs somone to bat clean up. Sting agrees, but looks like he’s having second thoughts as he does it.

We head to JB in the back again, with TNA’s Executive Shareholder Mick Foley and he asks Foley about Foley buddying up with the MEM. Foley says he can understand why Jeff Jarrett is upset and says that he understands that Angle says things that he doesn’t really mean, giving Angle a pass on his threats at Final Resolution. Borash asks him what side he’s on and Foley says that he’s not on anyone’s side and that he was only brought to TNA to do what’s right for business. He says that the MEM has a proven track record and that during tough economic times you have to go with the proven winners. He says that he doesn’t agree with what happened to Brother Ray last week and that he’s told the Mafia that those kinds of tactics will not be tolerated and that the Mafia has given him their word that they won’t do it again. He excuses himself to make decisions that he feels will be best for the business.

Match Six: Six Sides of Steel
Kevin Nash and Sting vs. AJ Styles and Samoa Joe

Nash climbs the ropes and checks the cage after he makes his entrance and waits for Sting. Sting comes out and acknowledges some of the fans at ringside, still looking a little leery of his involvement in the match. The crowd pops big for Joe’s music, which is a very good sign and he throws his towel right at Kevin Nash after getting into the ring. Styles makes his way into the cage, the door is shut and Don West takes a turn as Captain Obvious by saying that running into one of the Six Sides of Steel is like running into a wall of steel. Jesus, all those years on QVC melted his brain.

All four men brawl to start the match with Sting and AJ and Joe and Nash pairing off. Nash tries to climb out and Joe brings him back down with some right hands before choking Nash in the corner. Styles takes over on Sting, ramming him into the cage with Joe following up and ramming Nash into the cage. Styles and Joe team up and send Sting into the cage face-first as Styles goes to work on Nash’s legs. Styles with a cover and he gets a two-count as Joe lays some boots in on Sting. Joe chokes Sting across the top rope and Styles works Nash over with some shoulderblocks in the corner. Discus punch from Joe gets a long two-count on Sting as they follow it with a double-Irish whip into a double-reverse elbow that gets another two count. It’s time for a commercial break!!

Back from the break and the MEM has taken over as Sting has Styles mounted in the corner with some punches as Nash lays in a BIG boot to Joe’s face off of the ropes. Nash slams Joe’s head into the cage and Sting follows with AJ heading into the cage face-first. Sting stomps away at Styles and Nash whips Joe into the ropes. Nash misses with a clothesline and Joe hits his BIG kick into a senton splash, dropping the knee before Sting cuts him off. AJ Styles comes out of nowhere and hits a dropkick on Sting for a two-count!! Joe mounts Nash in the corner for ten punches and he kicks Nash in the face again before climbing the side of the cage. Nash is up on his feet and he climbs, ramming Joe’s face into the steel. Joe springboards AJ up over his shoulders and onto Nash’s back as Nash stands on the top rope. AJ climbs up Nash’s back and heads over to the top and TO THE FLOOR FOR THE WIN!!

Winners: AJ Styles and Samoa Joe (Styles escapes the cage)

Sting and Nash work over Joe in the cage after the match and AJ is on his way back to defend him. Nash holds the door shut and pushes Styles away before SLAMMING THE DOOR INTO STYLES’ FACE!! Joe makes his own save, sending Sting outside to the floor!! REAR NAKED CHOKE ON NASH!! HERE COMES KURT ANGLE WITH A CHAIR!! Joe kicks the chair into Angle’s face and slams Booker T’s head into the cage!! JOE HAS THE CHAIR AND HE SLAMS IT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!! He sets Angle up for a muscle buster, but NASH WAFFLES JOE IN THE BACK WITH THE CHAIR! Steiner locks the cage door shut and the entire MEM minus Sting are working over Samoa Joe in the cage. The referees head to the back as Styles tries to climb over the top of the cage to get back in. Sting is on the floor and he’s on the look-out, dropping the members of TNA Frontline as they try to get to the ringside area. In the ring, they Pillmanize Joe’s arm in a chair and they HIT IT WITH THE STEEL PIPE!! Joe looks like he’s ready to pass out from the pain and the Mafia holds off the Frontline as Angle locks in the Anklelock on Joe!! Don West wonders where the hell Mick Foley is and we’re out from Orlando!!

“

“

From the Impact! Zone in Orlando, FL, TNA Impact is LIVE-ish. We start out with a video review package from Final Resolution chock full of highlights including Suicide’s debut, Angle vs. Rhino with Al Snow, the Feast or Fired match and the Eight-Man Tag main event before we hit the open. Tenay promises the fallout and aftermath of Final Resolution and gives us one of the matches for tonight, featuring Abyss vs. James Storm in a Beer Bottle on a Pole Match. VINNY RU~! West promises that we’ll see the final three Feast or Fired cases opened tonight as well.

The familiar music hits and the Main Event Mafia are in the ring with Kurt Angle at the helm with a microphone. Angle says that things went exactly the way they said it would. He says that he has Jeff Jarrett at Genesis and that he beat Mick Foley at his own game at Final Resolution. He says that over two years ago he signed a deal with TNA and he was happy to leave his former employers. He came to TNA with illusions of grandeur and the idea that he would take this company to the top. He says that he did everything to make it work, but the inevitable happened and that the more press that Angle got, Jarrett got more and more jealous. Angle claims he was making money for Jarrett and says that the more popular he became with the fans, the more Jarrett tried to pull him down. He says he hates Jarrett more than any other boss he’s worked for before (we know who he’s talking about). He claims that Jarrett tried to kill his TNA career without knowing that he’d finally have to face Angle someday. Angle’s never been more focused and he feels nothing, his heart is calloused and he’s cold. He feels nothing for Jarrett and nothing for his three little children, promising that nothing good will come out of their match. He wishes Jarrett a Merry Christmas and tells him to buy some wonderful gifts for his daughters so they can remember him forever.

Music hits over the PA system and HERE COMES AJ STYLES WITH A MIC!! Styles stays up on the ramp and says that Kurt is a “bleeeeep”. He promises that at Genesis, Jarrett’s going to prove what kind of man and leader he is and that he’s going to make an example of Kurt Angle. Styles says he’s not out to talk to Angle, he’s out to talk to Sting. He talks about how Sting has been talking about respect, honor and doing things the right way, assuming that he was talking about himself. He asks Sting how he could accept the victory at Final Resolution when he knows that Samoa Joe had him beat in front of the whole world. Styles says he can go home to his wife and kids and look them in the eyes knowing that he did things in the ring the right way before asking Sting if he can do the same. Before he can finish, Angle tells him to shut up and calls him a punk. He says that Sting has done more in two years in TNA than Styles will do in a lifetime. Angle says that if Styles has any balls he’ll come down the ramp and confront Sting man-to-man. Styles agrees and tells the rest of the MEM to split because this is between him and Sting.

Sting throws down the belt and opens up his suit jacket as Styles reads him a RIOT ACT!! Right hand from Sting and a HUGE RIGHT FROM STYLES!! HERE’S THE MAFIA AND HERE’S THE BEATDOWN!! DOWN THE RAMP COMES THE FRONTLINE!! SAMOA JOE, RHINO, ERIC YOUNG, TEAM 3D CLEAR THE RING!! Angle gets back on the mic and says that if they want a war, they’ve got it and that someone from the Frontline is going to be eliminated for good by the end of the night.

We head to the back with JB and he’s got Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley with him. He asks Jarrett about the match with Angle at Genesis and Jarrett says it is what it is and Angle got one over on them. JB asks how he’ll balance being Jeff Jarrett, TNA founder and Jeff Jarrett, TNA wrestler. Jarrett says that he’s not and from this point on, he’s King of the Mountain and a full-on TNA wrestler. He tells Foley that he’s in charge for the time being and Foley says that he’s going to visit the Main Event Mafia as his first order of business. Jarrett tells Foley that he’s got all the stroke in TNA now.

Back from the break Tenay and West talk about how we’re going to hear about what will happen with Homicide, Hernandez and Curry Man and their briefcases before they touch on the controversy of the X Division Title match and that Jim Cornette has decided that there’s a tournament for a new X Division champion and that it’s going to start tonight with Eric Young against Shiek Abdul Bashir and Alex Shelley against Black Machismo. He throws it to Lauren in the back with the Motor City Machine Guns. She calls them targets and Shelley says she’s a master at stating the obvious and that they are targets because they tell the truth. He brings up the attack by Suicide, wondering if they need a good cheat code to stop him, which is an awesome line. He says that they’ll make the best of the bad situation and that he’s going to make it his personal quest to win that X Division Championship because Detroit needs heroes.

Match One: X Division Championship Tournament Quarterfinal
Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Eric Young

Bashir comes out with the bloody headdress that he used in his attack on referee Shane Sewell at Final Resolution. We start out quick with Young getting the best of Bashir with a hip toss and a bodyslam, getting a two-count off of each. Lockup and Bashir pushes Young into the corner, faking a clrean break and hitting a cheap kick to the gut before chopping Young and sending him into the corner. Young over the top of Bashir and he hits an inverted atomic drop before coming off the ropes with a flying forearm. Irish whip from Young into the corner and his misses a splash ending up on the top turnbuckle. Bashir kicks him in the gut, crotching Young on the top rope before mounting him for a flurry of big punches. Bashir mocks Young and drops him with a HUGE right hand, getting a two-count before moving to a reverse chinlock. Young tries to elbow out of it but takes a forearm to the back followed by a big bodyslam. Bashir hits the second rope and comes off with a fist, but Young gets a boot up into his face. Bashir charges and Young moves out of the way, forcing Bashir to eat turnbuckle. Young with right hands and he whips Bashir into the corner, catching Bashir with a big discus clothesline for a two-count. Young with a whip into the buckle and a charge, but Bashir gets his knees up into Young’s face. Bashir to the second rope again and hecomes off with a splash attempt, but Young catches him and hits a Death Valley Driver. Young to the top rope but he MISSES THE ELBOWDROP!! Bashir gets in Earl Hebner’s face and they work the Triple H spot where Hebner shoves back on Bashir. Bashir pushes Hebner down from behind and after a scramble he gets put over with a bridging suplex!! HEBNER WITH THE COUNT!! 1-2-3!!! YOUNG ADVANCES!!

Winner: Eric Young (pinfall, suplex into a bridge)

Random Impact Observation #1: That earring that Bashir was wearing made him look more like a pirate than a Sheik. Just saying.

Lauren’s in the back in the TNA Frontline locker room and Team 3D is addressing the troops, saying that they’re proud to be with them and that they’re all warriors. Brother Ray calls them the last of the old-school tough guys and the future of the business and that anytime, anywhere they’ll have the Frontline’s back. He says that Angle’s planning on taking one of them out, but they’re going to take the fight to the MEM instead of waiting for bad news. He asks ODB if she’s going to pass her flask and takes a big snooch off of it, coughing like Ralph Furley afterwards. He goes back to the pep talk, saying that he’s going out there right now and that he’s going to make Kurt Angle an offer he can’t refuse.

After a commercial, JB is in the back with a TNA Mobile exclusive bulletin. Of course, he doesn’t tell us what it is, except to say that he’s going to tell us who Jay Lethal has chosen as his partner for his TNA Tag Team Title shot and that there is some scandalous news that we can only get by calling the WCW Hotli…I mean by texting to TNA Mobile. He catches Mick Foley coming out of the MEM locker room and it looks like he’s had a lot of fun with them as he’s laughing and they’re all happy. He says that they’re a good bunch of guys and a little misunderstood. He says that he was too busy reminiscing about old times to know what was going on, but that he’s glad he got the chance to catch up with those guys about good times.

Further in the back, Lauren is with the Beautiful People and “Sarah Palin” and they say that everyone is jealous because they’re hanging with “royalty”. The blond, big titty one with the crown says that Palin is considering them for their cabinet, but that they’ll have to change the way they dress unless they want to give the entire Senate heart attacks. She’s brought suits from her own wardrobe and she’s going to give makeovers to the both of them.

Random Commercial Observation #1: The new Geico googly-eyed money stack is actually MORE annoying than the stupid little lizard, something I NEVER thought would be possible.

Random Commercial Observation #2: As shitty as the movie may turn out to be, The Day The Earth Stood Still looks pretty kickass in the trailer. If I have ten bucks free, I’d definitely go to check it out

Back from the break, we get a hype video for Brutus Magnus and he’s coming to TNA soon!!

Match Two: X Division Championship Tournament Quarterfinal
Alex Shelley w/Chris Sabin vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal

Lethal’s got the briefcase with him that has the TNA Tag Team Title shot, though I have to wonder how smart it is to bring it around the MCMG’s. Shelley attacks before the bell, kicking Lethal down in the corner before picking him up by the hairs on his chinny-chin-chin. Lethal fires back with some Macho Jabs and when Shelley tries a whip into the ropes, he handsprings off of them into a back elbow. Lethal finally gets to take his ring jacket off and picks Shelley up for a big right hand into a side headlock. Lethal flips over Shelley’s back as Shelley tries an atomic drop, forcing Shelley into the ropes with a Full Nelson. Lethal runs the ropes, but Shelley follows him with a big kick. Shelley ends up on the receiving end of the same thing and Lethal gets a two-count before heading up top. Sabin ends up on the apron and Lethal comes off the top rope with a double axehandle to send Sabin to the floor. Shelley with a shot from behind and an Irish whip, but Lethal goes THROUGH THE ROPES AND DIVES ONTO SABIN!! Shelley waves Lethal into the ring and charges, but Lethal hits him with a shoulderblock, knocking Shelley backwards. As Lethal tries to get into the ring, Shelley kicks the middle rope, hitting Lethal square in the balls. Shelley picks him up and hits the KRYPTONITE KRUNCH FOR THE THREE-COUNT!! Sabin comes into the ring holding his head to give Shelley a huge bro-hug after the match.

Winner: Alex Shelley (pinfall, Kryptonite Krunch)

After the celebrating is done, Sabin has a microphone and he calls out Mick Foley, saying that they’re actually going to give him some props for doing something that the TNA Knockouts haven’t been able to do for months by screwing the MCMG’s. Sabin says that they gave him a chance to come out and fix it and give them what they won and deserve. They want the briefcase with the TNA Tag Title shot in it and that they’re kind, handsome, polite and gentle men from Detroit so they’ll give him one more chance to waddle down and fix it. He promises that if they have to go back there to find him to fix it, Foley won’t like what’s going to happen. The lights go down and HERE COMES SUICIDE AGAIN!!! SUICIDE TAKES SHELLEY AND SABIN DOWN!! RIGHT HANDS FOR SHELLEY!! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP FOR SABIN!! DOUBLE-IRISH WHIP AND HE DROPKICKS SABIN INTO SHELLEY!! SUICIDE HITS A FLIP POWERBOMB ON SABIN!! Tenay calls it the DOA and says it’s from the TNA Impact! videogame as Sabin is folded in the corner like the laundry.

Random Commercial Observation #3: Since Brendan Fraser hit it big with the first Mummy movie, it seems like he’s just making variations of the same flick over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got his niche, it just seems like he’s not even trying anymore. I can’t wait for the next one… Mummies At The Mall~!

Random Commercial Observation #4: That father from the OoVoo commercial has to be the ugliest motherfucker alive. Seriously, I can suspend my disbelief with the best of them, but to assume that that cute little girl came out of the balls of that troll is too much for even me to swallow.

Lauren is in the back with Abyss and Matt Morgan and she asks about Abyss’ chance for revenge on James Storm. Morgan interrupts and asks how many times Abyss is going to fall into their traps week after week. Morgan asks when Abyss turned into a drinker and Abyss says that they told him that they’d introduce him to Quagmire and the rest of the crew and Morgan tries to tell him that it’s a TV show and they’re not real. Morgan takes a breather before he has a stroke and tells Abyss he needs to stop being so goddamn gullible. He tells Abyss to take Storm out tonight, and that is easily the weirdest promo I’ve ever seen.

James Storm is the subject of this week’s TNA Quick Cut and he talks about growing up on a farm and tells a story about meeting Dutch Mantel. He talks about wrestling in high school and that he had to quit wrestling because of his father’s death and how he lost his scholarship because of a shoulder injury. He talks about seeing an ad for wrestling training and that he went to the Nashville Fairgrounds and started. He talks about getting the call from TNA and that he hated his boss at his day job so he happily quit and never looked back.

Random Impact Observation #2: These Quick Cuts segments are easily one of my favorite things on the TNA program. One of the biggest problems with TNA is that so much stuff happens so quickly, you can’t get attached to any of the wrestlers and these segments address that problem. Great, great stuff from TNA.

Match Three: Beer Bottle on a Pole Match
James Storm w/ Jacqueline vs. Abyss

The audio goes all screwy at the beginning of the match and Storm goes up immediately for the bottle, getting caught and thrown around the ring before Abyss hits a big press slam on Storm. Abyss flings Storm over the top rope to the floor and Storm goes all the way over the railing. Abyss follows out and hammers on Storm, but Storm throws a cup from a fan into Abyss’ eyes. Storm throws Abyss over the guardrail and back into the ringside area before grabbing a chair. Storm takes too long and Abyss WAFFLES him by punching the chair into his face!! Abyss throws Storm back into the ring and makes his way back into the ring, CHARGING IN WITH AN AVALANCHE IN THE CORNER!! He points to the beer bucket and heads up to try to get it, but Storm kicks Abyss off the ropes. He catches Abyss with the Last Call superkick and heads up and HE’S GOT THE BEER BOTTLE!! Storm opens it up for a swig or two and RUNS RIGHT INTO THE BLACK HOLE SLAM!!! Abyss heads over to the beer bottle on the mat and picks it up before playing to the crowd. HERE COMES JACKIE FROM BEHIND AND SHE’S STOLEN THE BOTTLE!! She runs up the ramp and runs right into Matt Morgan!! Jackie tries to hide under the ring and while Storm and Abyss are struggling in the ring, Morgan picks Jackie up with a goozle. HERE COMES ROBERT ROODE!! BALLSHOT ON MORGAN!! WAFFLING CHAIRSHOT ON ABYSS!! Storm comes over with the cover and there’s the 1-2-3!!

Winner: James Storm (pinfall, Robert Roode chairshot)

Roode and Storm do a little beatdown on Abyss, but Morgan gets in the ring with RIGHT HANDS FOR BOTH MEN!! Morgan hits a big avalanche on Roode and sets him up for the Hellavator, but Storm WHACKS HIM WITH THE BOTTLE FROM BEHIND!! Storm and Roode are laying the boots in on Morgan and here comes Abyss with a chair, sending Beer Money to the floor!!

Random Impact Observation #3: Leave it to TNA to have a Beer Bottle on a Pole match where no one uses the beer bottle during the actual match. Boo-urns.

Out of that commercial, JB is in the back with Sting and the Main Event Mafia and he asks Sting for his comments about AJ Styles and his accusations. Nash cuts him off before he even gets done with the question and Nash tells “Steve” that if he didn’t do it, the Frontline would have. He says that they got a taste of their own medicine and that they didn’t like it. He says that he knew that JB played for the “other team”, but didn’t know that he played for the Frontline.

In the ring, Brother Ray is out with a microphone to make his offer to Kurt Angle. He says he’s standing in the ring by himself and he wants to talk to him man-to-man to give him the proposition. In the back, we see Angle tell the rest of the MEM to hold back as a BIG “3D” chant starts up. Angle’s music fires up and here he comes!! Ray says he’s going to keep it short and sweet and that Angle had better listen up real good because there’s the potential for bad things to happen like bloodshed, broken bones and ended careers. He knows that the MEM wants to destroy the Frontline and he guarantees that the Frontline won’t sleep until TNA is rid of the Mafia. HUGE “TNA” chant for that one. Ray says he likes hearing them chanting TNA and then says he likes it even better when they chant “You Suck” at Angle. He says that the TNA chants remind him of being back in Philly and then says that if they try to destroy each other, they’ll all destroy TNA and that they’ll all have to go to sell their souls back to the devil. Ray proposes that he’ll take Angle on one-on-one tonight in the ring and that Angle will tell the MEM to leave the building and that he’ll tell the Frontline to leave the building and that they’ll settle their differences like men before offering up his hand. Angle shakes on it without saying a word and they eyeball each other with Ray talking some MAD shit on Angle the whole time until Angle backs out and leaves the ring.

We come back from the break to the TNA Frontline locker room and Samoa Joe says that they won’t leave, but Ray tells them that they have to because he gave Angle his word on it. He says that they need to listen to a veteran and that he has it under control. The MCMG’s take a powder in a hurry and Ray tells Joe that if he leaves, they’ll all follow him. He says that he’ll do it and they all head out and wish him the best of luck. Devon and Ray disagree about whether he’s going to leave or not and Ray says that the MEM are going to leave because Angle’s going to keep his word and that there has to be some good left in him. He asks Devon to leave, saying he’s not telling him what to do, just asking him nicely. Devon finally relents and leaves with a handshake. Tenay and West are back at the desk and they’re talking about the rest of the show before they find out that the MEM is in the process of leaving. Angle’s in the locker room with JB and he says that he gave his word to Ray so he wants them to leave. He tells them to go ahead and get some dinner and to order him a steak because it won’t take long. Booker says that he knows Ray and knows he’s from the streets and that he’ll have Angle’s back if he needs it. Angle tells him to go ahead and Booker tells him to handle his bidniss.

Random Commercial Observation #5: Four Christmases was a surprisingly good movie. I didn’t think it was going to be as good as it was, but it snuck up on me and was a pretty funny Christmas romp. It’s no National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation or Elf, but it’s not Deck The Halls or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2 either.

Lauren is in the back with the Beautiful People after a commercial and “Gov. Palin” and she’s so proud of how they look, claiming they look like Jackie O. The Beautiful People look less than enthused with their shitty new outfits but they turn around a little when “Palin” compares them to Beyonce. Cute Kip interjects and says that they’re prettier than Beyonce ever could be, but they cut him off saying that they know they’ve been ignoring him lately, but they’re too excited about going to the White House. They head off and leave Kip holding the bag…or sack if you will, something that Kip probably has a LOT of experience with.

A video package runs featuring the Feast or Fired match highlights before we head up to the ring with JB and he’s got Hernandez, Homicide and Curry Man with him to find out who’s going to have what in their briefcases. JB reminds us that one has an X Division Title shot, one has a TNA World Heavyweight Title shot and one has a pink slip that will see someone get canned. The spotlight hits Hernandez’s briefcase first and after the suitable amount of suspense-buliding, it’s opened up to reveal……A TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP SHOT!! Hernandez looks happier than a dog in heat at a postal convention and gives Homicide and the briefcase a big hug. Homicide and Curry Man will have their briefcases opened next and they’re both ready to see what the future holds. The briefcases will be opened….after this commercial break!! GRRRRR!!!! Just cause you dress like Seacrest, it doesn’t mean you have to pull that kind of American Idol bullshit on us Borash.

Back from the break, we’re back in the ring with Borash’s three-ring circus and he runs down the situation again, asking Homicide and Curry Man if they know what could be coming for them before the briefcase is chosen. Curry Man’s briefcase is chosen and it’s opened to reveal……A PINK SLIP!! CURRY MAN IS SHIT-CANNED!! HOMICIDE HAS THE X DIVISION TITLE SHOT!! Curry Man looks spicily disappointed. He asks JB if what happened with his briefcase was good, and Borash assures him that it’s not and that security is here to take him back to TNA. Curry Man says he loves it in TNA and that he wants a new contract before Borash gives him the “future endeavors” speech. Curry Man still doesn’t seem to know what’s going on as the crowd chants the “Hey Hey Goodbye” song at him. Borash congratulates both members of LAX for their good luck and closes the book on Feast or Fired 2008.

Match Four: TNA Knockouts Match
Sojournor Bolt vs. Christy Hemme

Tenay and West talk about Hemme and the TNA Knockout Title match and they give her props for her performance in that match. Bolt and Hemme shake hands and hit a lockup with Hemme grabbing a side headlock takeover. Bolt hits a headscissors, but Hemme reverses out of it before Bolt grabs a side headlock. Hemme with a headscissors of her own and Bolt pops her head out into a stand-off. Bolt with a go-behind and she drops Hemme onto her stomach before floating over into a front facelock. Hemme reverses into a hammerlock and cranks on it before Bolt turns it around into a kneelift to the gut. Bolt rams Hemme into the top buckle and snap mares her into the middle of the ring, hitting a low dropkick to the back. Bolt drops down for a pin attempt and gets a one-count before Hemme kicks out. Bolt picks Hemme up and hits a BIG bodyslam into an elbowdrop off the ropes. There’s the cover and it’s a long, LONG two-count. Bolt with a chop and Hemme goes Matrix to duck under a clothesline, hitting a forearm to Bolt’s face. Hemme with a flying clothesline into a hairpulling slam. Hemme kicks Bolt in the gut, axe kicks her in the back and hits a low dropkick to the face before going up to the second rope. Bolt with a shot to the gut and a HUGE BODYSLAM off the turnbuckles. Hemme staggers to her feet and eats a big kick for a two-count. Bolt grabs Hemme and tries for a powerbomb, but Hemme rolls through into a sunset flip for the three-count!! After the match, Hemme helps Bolt up and gives her a hug and a handshake, but BOLT BITCHSLAPS HEMME IN THE FACE!! HEMME WITH A THESZ PRESS AND THEY’RE THROWING HANDS!! Referee Rudy Charles calls for help from the back and three referees get these two hellcats separated.

Winner: Christy Hemme (pinfall, sunset flip)

We head to the back with Lauren and Curry Man and she’s explaining to him that he’s fired. Curry Man says that it was for a Fired Championship match and asks who the Fired Champion is. Lauren says that he signed up late and probably didn’t explain the rules as he says that he has a family back home in Japan to feed. He gets picked up and carried out by security while screaming that he loves TNA. “Lauren, SAVE ME….SAVE MEEEEEE!!” We even get a teary, emotion-filled video package to say goodbye to Curry Man with a song that sounds like a knock-off of “Bad Day”.

Random Impact Observation #3: Curry Man, we hardly knew ye…

Match Five:
Brother Ray vs. Kurt Angle

Ray’s out first and looks like he’s VERY motivated and pissed off. Angle pulls a fast one and ATTACKS WHILE RAY IS WATCHING THE ENTRANCE RAMP!! Right hands on Ray followed with some boots to the gut. Angle’s laying a stomping on Ray before he chokes him against the middle rope. Angle measures him with more kicks and punches and gets Ray up and over with a belly-to-back suplex that gets a one-count. More kicks and right hands from Angle and Ray finally gets a shot to the gut, but it’s not enough to stop Angle as he fires back with a flurry of right hands that put Ray on his ass. Ray pushes Angle back and tries to get to his feet, but Angle just knocks him back down. Chop to the chest from Ray and another and another before Ray tells him to bring it on for more!! Angle with a right hand and Ray hits a HUGE chop into some right hands before Angle goes to the eyes. Angle off the ropes and Ray takes him down with a series of clotheslines before sending Angle over with a BIG hip toss. Chop from Ray and he whips Angle into the ropes but ducks his head too soon and eats a kick from Angle on an attempted backdrop. Ray with a go-behind and he sends Angle FLYING with a release German suplex!! Ray with the cover…1….2….ANGLE KICKS OUT!! Ray with an Irish whip that Angle reverses. Ray stops himself against the ropes and Angle charges right into a backdrop over the top rope!! Ray outside with Angle, hammering with a right hand before he rams Angle into the guardrail, the announce table and the entrance ramp. Ray has Angle against the wall of the ramp and backs up for a charge and ANGLE DROPS OUT OF THE WAY!! RAY GOES THROUGH THE WALL OF THE RAMP!!! COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME!!

Random Commercial Observation #6: That Arby’s commercial with the guy making his wife dress up like an Arby’s employee is at least ten kinds of creepy. That sproinging sound makes me cringe and feel like gagging every time I hear it.

Back from the break, Angle and Ray are brawling and Ray is bleeding all over the place. The referee calls for the bell and Ray and Angle have brawled all the way through the back to the outside of the Impact Zone. Ray slams Angle into one of the production trucks outside and WAFFLES HIM WITH A BROOMSTICK!! Right hands from Ray and he slams Angle headfirst into a chair before sticking him back into the side of the production truck!! Angle tries a low blow and Ray blocks it with more right hands. Ray sends Angle onto the top of one of the catering area tables and HAMMERS Angle in the back with a chair!!! CHOP TO THE CHEST BY RAY!! RAY TURNS INTO A TASMANIAN DEVIL ON TNA SECURITY!! Back to Angle and he slams him headfirst into a wall. He talks to Angle and says that if he didn’t have a wife and kids, he’s end his career right now. Angle tries to talk things out and smiles at Ray as we see THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA!! NASH BREAKS A TWO-BY-FOUR OVER RAY’S HEAD!! CHAIRSHOTS FROM BOOKER!! TRASHCAN SHOT FROM SCOTT STEINER!! STEINER WITH A LEAD PIPE!! Sting is watching from the sidelines and TURNS TO WALK AWAY!! THE MAFIA BEAT RAY AND THROW HIM INTO A DUMPSTER BACKSTAGE!!! SMELL THE SYMBOLISM!! Angle promises that no one messes with the Main Event Mafia and we’re OUT FROM ORLANDO!!

“

“

-The Frontline is in the back as team3D promises to stand by their side. They say to man up and stand up for themselves because they don’t want to be like the Main Event mafia. They are progress, they are the new generation and they have to take what’s theirs, for the business and for the people that pay their checks. Tonight, the new revolution begins!

-I am having wacky sound and picture issues to kick off the show.

~THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA SPEAKS~

Steiner pimping a suit jacket with his wrestling tights is spectacular. Nash says that he doesn’t give out compliments often, but 3D got one over on them last week. For some reason they decided to join the Frontline. Well Ray, he and Nash have a lot in common; they are both arrogant, assholes, and worry about themselves. They will lie their asses off to get the job done. So, let’s just take last week and brush it aside as a mistake by 3D. The “family” will give them 60-seconds to join the, if not, consider their death certificates signed.

3D makes their ay out on the ramp and Ray says that he and Devon will be AJ and Joe’s partners at Final Resolution. Now Kevin you’re right. They are arrogant and bad guys, but they do the right thing and that is standing with the Frontline. The young guys represent what is right about the business, while the MEM are everything that is wrong with the business. They stole from every company they worked for, wait, the MEM RAPED every company they worked for. Ray says they hope that they NEVER turn into guys like the MEM. They broke the code of the boys, the boys that bust their asses every night. If the MEM stays in power, there will be no more TNA and the Frontline will take them out to make sure that doesn’t happen. 3D calls out the Frontline and they appear in the crowd of the Impact Zone.

Angle says that this is all cute, and Rhino tells him to shut up. Rhino is tired of listening to Angle’s crap. At Final Resolution, it will be the end of Angle in TNA. Rhino says he is one GORE, GORE, GORE from the unemployment line. Rhino plans to make an example of Sting tonight. Rhino says Sting should be on his side, they never had an issue, but he made the wrong choice, so Rhino will kick the living crap out of him tonight. And by the time Sting realizes that, it will be too late. Brother Ray promises ass whoopings for all!

-JB is with The Beautiful People. Lauren is with JB, and they hype the free TNA Mobile Service. JB says someone will be in Angle’s corner at the PPV. Kip stops him and says tonight is HUGE because Sarah Palin is about to arrive, and they will make her a member of the Beautiful People. They hope that she brings Todd, because he is hot. But first, they have some business to attend too.

-We see #5 of Angle’s moments in TNA Wrestling. It is hard Justice 207, where Angle won all of the titles in TNA.

-JB is in Booker T’s locker room. He wants to know about the alliance with the Beautiful People and why he would defend the title tonight. Sharmell says it is all to protect her at the PPV. She then says ODB smells, while Booker says he has been training for hours, and he will defend the title anywhere time or place. He is the best in the world and will prove it tonight against Samoa Joe. Booker will prove this tonight as he beats Joe around the arena. It is old school time, street fight, like in the old days. MAKE HIM PAY, BOW DOWN, SAY DADDY I DON’ T WANT NONE NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

TNA Legends Title STREE FIGHT Match: Booker T © w/Sharmell vs. Samoa Joe

They lock up to begin, to the corner and knees to the head by Booker. Joe back with rights, chops and Booker rolls to the floor. Sidekick by Booker, chops follow and Joe with chops of his own. Into the crowd they go, eye poke by Booker and more chops to Joe. Joe fires up, chops to Booker and they brawl up into the bleachers. We’ll head to a commercial @ 1:30.

Back from commercial @ 4:30 as Joe gets the knee drop in the ring and covers for 2. Booker rolls back to the floor, Joe follows and delivers head butts. Booker battles back and slams Joe head first into the steel post, and then to the steps. Forearm strikes and elbows by Booker, rolls Joe back in and then levels Joe with the sidekick and covers for 2. More forearms by Booker, Joe battles back but eats another kick from Booker who covers for 2. Chops by Booker, Joe now with chops, a whip to the corner and then the snap slam by Joe gets 2. Sharmell distracts the ref and Joe gets the rear naked choke! Booker taps, but no ref. The Beautiful People are out, they hairspray Joe in the eyes and that allows Booker to land the ax kick and that is all.

Winner: Booker T @ 9:00 via pin
# Pretty good match overall as Booker looked more motivated than usual. The MEM winning through nefarious means works and works well, but damn, Joe’s been made a BITCH, he needs to win sometimes to keep that bad ass persona.
RATING: **

-The Beautiful People are rocking Sarah Palin shirts.

-Back in the MEM locker room, Steiner promises Sting that he will hold onto the title. Steiner says 3D is not on their level, and since they don’t have enough donuts in their locker room, 3D went to the Frontline. I also think he called them fags. Angle has something to say, but that will require another in ring segment as per agreed upon in his contract.

-Angle Moment #4: Angle vs. Nagata IWGP Title Match. That’s some good shit right there.

-Lauren is with Joe. She says he got screwed, and 3D is here to talk to Joe. They ask him what he will do about this. Joe gets pissed, and they remind him that they are on the same side. It isn’t about winning or losing a battle, this is about the war. 3D says you can’t win every match ever, no wrestler has ever done it. They ask how many times has Flair been champion? 16. Yeah, he lost 15 times. They have been 20-time tag team champions, so they lost them 19 times. But they came back hungrier than ever. Joe is the future and may be the last of the old school hard asses, the loss is no big deal, it is time to go to war. Joe, AJ, Team 3D and the rest of the Frontline, together. MAN UP DAWG~!

~ODB’S ANGLE~

Roxxi and Taylor Wilde are her guests. Roxxi tells her story and gets censored most of the time. Wilde talks about her life, ODB likes the rusty trombone and says it is that time of the month. She says Charmin and Booker DEEZ Nutz hired the Beautiful People. She usually liked 3 on 1’s, but not in this match. Roxxi and Wilde say they have her back, and the match is changed.

-Beer Money looks for Abyss and finds him. Storm still has the beer cooler scooter. Abyss throttles Storm, but Roode says they want to make peace. Morgan is at the gym, and Storm calls him “Mr. Monster,” and says he thought Abyss was parched, so he wanted to give him a drink, not hit him with the bottle. Roode and Storm just want to have a drink with him, but Abyss says he can’t mix his meds and booze. Abyss discusses Family Guy then they drink anyway. Bourbon and Beer Chaser for Abyss! CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG! Abyss likes the stuff in the little glass, and they give him more.

-Angle moment #3 is the announcement of Angle joining TNA.

-And now we have the Sarah Palin look alike arriving. The Beautiful People are so happy to have her here, and they go to show her around. It looks as if Kip knows it isn’t her, but doesn’t get to tell them.

-We get a video package for Hemme vs. Kong, showing her training with AJ after her loss to Kong months ago. A loss where she got her shit busted up.

-Steiner has lost the shirt now, so apparently he feels he is back in shape.

Christy Hemme and AJ Styles vs. Amazing Kong and Scott Steiner

Steiner and AJ to begin. Steiner in control, takes AJ to the corner and chops away at AJ. Steiner tosses him across the ring, but AJ comes back with the jawbreaker and follows up with chops. Off the ropes, counter and a big right by Steiner levels AJ. AJ manages the dropkick, Kong in and chops away at AJ. Kong wants to whoop some ass, and as AJ goes to hit her the ref stops him, allowing Steiner to attack him from behind. AJ tosses Steiner to the floor, Kong in and AJ and Hemme low bridge her and she falls to the floor. Hemme basement dropkicks Saeed, but Kong takes out the legs of AJ and he is down. Steiner back in control, drops the elbow and covers for 2 as he busts out some pushups. We head to a commercial @ 3:00.

Back from commercial @ 6:00 as AJ tries to fight back. AJ with the back breaker and covers for 2. Steiner rakes the eyes, but AJ gets the PELE and BOTH men are down! Kong tags herself in and misses a corner charge on AJ. Hemme tags in, cross body, caught but Hemme gets her back and gets the sleeper. Kong escapes, kicks by Hemme, Steiner holds her, but AJ makes the save. PLANCHA by AJ wipes out Steiner. Kong kills Hemme with a clothesline, grabs her by the hair and then tosses her down as she attacks AJ. Kong Bomb try, Hemme sneaks out and then Kong misses the sit down. AJ slams AJ into Kong, and then Hemme gets an assisted Tornado DDT and covers Kong for the victory.

Winner: AJ and Hemme @ 8:45 via pin
# It had its moments, well not really. It wasn’t the worst thing I have ever seen, but it wasn’t that good either. Steiner is still struggling since the injury and looked VERY slow next to AJ. Hemme is trying, but the fact that AJ worked 85% of the match shows that they have no confidence in her at this point to work TV. So of course she is getting a title shot on PPV.
RATING: *

-JB is with Angle, who looks for Foley. Angle says that Foley screwed him at BFG, and Angle would cripple him, but he is giving him a pass. But if he does it again, he WILL cripple him. Foley says that Angle fired the first shot, and he just retaliated. He will do what he is supposed to do at Final Resolution and keep it one on one. Angle then says he will have someone there to watch his back, that’s a warning for Uncle Mick.

-Angle moment #2 is Angle winning the KOTM match to win the first ever TNA World Title.

-Abyss is getting drunk with Beer Money and wearing Storm’s hat. They then try to pimp out Jackie to Abyss, and she gives him a little kiss. Abyss says he never kissed a girl before, and asks if he is still a virgin. “Lauren, this meant nothing…” Wow, so bad, yet so great.

Consequences Creed, Jay Lethal and Eric Young vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir, Jimmy Rave and Sonjay Dutt w/SoCal Val

Shane Sewell is the referee, so Bashir bails and joins the commentary team. He refuses to wrestle with Young and Sewell out there, they are cheaters and they aren’t in his league. Dutt and Jay in, some counters and Young tags in. Shoulder blocks and clotheslines by Young, he talks trash to Bashir and that allows Rave to attack him from behind and then lays the boots to him. Bashir puts over Sewell but then says he will slap the piss out of him. Dutt and Rave work over Young with clotheslines, and then Rave covers for 2 as Jay makes the save. Snap mare by Dutt, he uses his wrist tape to choke out Young now. HEEL! Slingshot by Dutt, lands on his feet and then just kicks Young in the head. Running knee strike by Rave to Young, and he covers for 2. Tag to Dutt, he nails Jay and distracts Creed. Rave and Dutt run into each other, Young tags Creed and he gets a double cross body to the heels. Rolling thunder connects and a cover on Rave for 2. Rave with a boot to Creed, but Creed battles back and gets the TKO for the win.

Winner: Creed, Young and Lethal @ 4:00 via pin
# What ass backwards booking. You have the heel bail, and make it a handicap against the heels. It makes sense with the Bashir/Young/Sewell deal, but still, there was a better way to do it. The match was an Impact special, 4-minutes of guys working hard to try and give us something to enjoy, but not having enough time to do so.
RATING: *¾

-Bashir and Young brawl after the match. Young chases him off and then steals the X-Title.

-We get a Feast or Fired video package.

-JB is with Sting in the MEM locker room. They discuss AJ and the interview from last week as well as the PPV match on Sunday. Sting says he has a lot going on, but that is why he has gone out on the limb like he has. The thing with AJ and his dad… Good insight there Sting. He then promises at Final Resolution the MEM will act like a family, because he can trust them. Until Rhino, they never had an issue, but for tonight, Sting has to do what he does best, wrestle. Nothing will stop him from doing what needs to be done.

-We get a video package for the MEM.

-The Beautiful People talk with the fake Palin and Booker and Sharmell are there. Booker is in his towel and she calls him Booker the T. Booker laughs and then tells Kip to remove the bimbos and the YAK! SHADES OF STEVIE RAY!

-Rough Cuts with LAX. They discuss the fans, and being role models for Latino’s.

-Beer Money and Abyss are still drinking. Abyss’ phone rings, and he answers, it was Matt Morgan. Abyss wants to invite him to the party, and Storm says they are fresh out of alcohol. Abyss sees a bottle, and they SMASH it over his head. Dumb ass.

-We get a video package on the MEM beating down Christian, Rhino and the fact that Angle wants JJ.

-Kurt Angle moment #1 is the formation of the MEM.

~KURT ANGLE SPEAKS~

Angle calls out JJ, and here he comes to the ramp. Angle says for JJ and everyone to enjoy themselves tonight. Celebrate that this maybe his last Impact ever for TNA. It will make him more focused, like when he was training for the Olympics. All he thought about was wrestling and winning. Eat, drink, sleep and shit wrestling. But now, that was a goal he wanted. This new focus is much bigger, about one thing, Jeff Jarrett. Angle is focused on JJ more than anything he has ever been focused on before. 2-years ago he signed with TNA and ever since they butted heads, and they have never agreed. It’s allover the Internet and the papers. But then JJ was on his way out and Angle was on his way up. But Angle realized that JJ was jealous of his success. JJ dodged him all the time so that they would never have to face off. Angle finally got what he wanted, but Foley screwed him out of the win. Tonight he is here to say that it will not happen again at the PPV. He will destroy Rhino, and taste his blood. And when he is done, he will take Foley, and make him more crippled than he already is and breathing through a respirator. And then at Genesis, it will be Angle vs. JJ. Angle knows all about JJ’s three kids, they miss their mother, but Angle has no remorse for JJ. When he is down with JJ he will own him, his company and his family. This isn’t about wrestling anymore, this is about Angle being out of control. JJ says that if that is Angle’s plan, the only way he will do that is over JJ’s dead body.

-Rhino heard what JJ had to say, and he thought about his family. Jeff’s kids are what means the most to him, and Angle has now crossed the line. He has broken every code that the boys follow. As far as Sting, well, he doesn’t know what he is capable of tonight. He doesn’t know.

-Who is Suicide?

-JB is with AJ, Joe and 3D. Ray says that over the last 2-weeks the people have heard enough from them. They turn the mic over to AJ. AJ says he and Joe have always been like brothers, along with Daniels. But never did he think they would fight along side Team 3D. This isn’t about respect, doing the right thing gets you respect, makes you a legend, an ICON. If Sting doesn’t want to pass the torch, they will take it. AJ vows to walk out with the world title, and Joe says that’s all there is to say about that.

Non-Title Match: Sting © vs. Rhino

Lock up to begin, off the ropes and a shoulder block by Rhino. Sting tries a hip toss, blocked and Rhino slams him to the corner. Rights by Rhino, lays the boots to Sting and then picks him up and slams him to another corner. Hip toss by Rhino, sets for the gore but Sting bails to the floor. Rhino follows and then slams Sting to the barricade. Rights follow and then he whips Sting to another barricade. Gore try…but Sting sidesteps him and Rhino slams head first into the barricade. Rhino is busted open, so Sting helps him out and slams him to the steps as we head to a commercial @ 3:00.

Back from commercial @ 6:00 as Sting is in control and beating down on a bloody Rhino. Mounted rights in the corner and then boots by Sting. Rhino tries to battle back, but Sting beats him back down. Off the ropes and Rhino gets a big clothesline and both men are down. Angle rushes out to the ring and cheers on Sting. AJ is out now, Rhino and Sting trade rights in the middle of the ring and Rhino then gets the corner spear. Rhino takes out Angle, the ref is distracted, Sting gets a clothesline and gets the scorpion deathlock. Sting gets distracted, GORE GORE GORE! Rhino covers 1…2…3!

Winner: Rhino @ 9:25 via pin
# A pretty good main event actually. A bit short as usual, but it had good intensity, the blood fits the feud and while we can argue that it should have been someone else Rhino getting the win over Sting is big in terms of the feud.
RATING: **½

-The Frontline hits the ring to celebrate with Rhino.

-PPV video hype time.

“

“

Out comes Rhino as the ring fills up with TNA Originals like Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Chris Sabin, Eric Young and the rest. Rhyno says he took the liberty of naming the group and calls them the TNA Frontline, making a war analogy saying that even when you feel like you’re bloody and beaten and can’t go on anymore, you pick yourself up and you fight on. He references building ECW ten years ago and how much the people respected those wrestlers for it, without referencing ECW by name, which leads to a TNA chant. Rhyno says he’s willing to go to war with them and will fight with them and he’s willing to die in the ring because he believes in it just as much as the fans believe in it. He asks the fans if they’ll go to war with them against the Main Event Mafia before heading out to the crowd to pump them up which starts another TNA chant. Rhino promises to rid TNA of Kurt Angle and that it’s up to AJ and Samoa Joe to take out the rest of the Main Event Mafia. Rhino disses the rest of the guys in the ring by saying that they don’t have enough experience to be their partners before saying that they will grow and add new members, making them an army rather than a force.

HERE COMES THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA!! I haven’t seen Scott Steiner in a suit since…well…ever. Kurt Angle comes out and calls Rhino delusional and says that he’ll destroy Rhino just so he can get his hands on Jeff Jarrett at Genesis. He makes fun of their “Frontline” name, saying he heard the Frontline likes it in the backdoor. He questions who they could be recruiting before adding that EVERYONE loves the Main Event Mafia. He says that the fans want to live their lives through them because they’re just that much better than everyone else. Angle tells Rhino he’s going to destroy the last fifteen years of his career if he goes through with it and gives him three seconds to reconsider. If he doesn’t, Angle promises he’ll be in a bodybag with his buddies in the ring. Rhino cuts him off at two and tells Angle to kiss his ass!! He says that if it’s war Angle wants, it’s war he’ll get and that at Final Resolution he’ll rip Angle in half with a GOOOOOARRRRRRR!!!!

We’re back to the Impact Zone and JB is in the back with Kurt Angle, asking about the match at Final Resolution. JB spills the beans, saying that Jeff Jarret has appointed a special enforcer for the match with Rhino and his name is Mick Foley. Angle goes ballistic and heads further into the back to find Jarrett!!

Match One: Turkey Bowl Semifinal Match
“The Guru” Sonjay Dutt w/So Cal Val vs. Hernandez vs. Rhino

HOLY HELL, Val got ten times hotter being with Sonjay. Dutt attacks Rhino early on and ducks a clothesline from Hernandez, before getting caught with an over-the-shoulder backbreaker. Rhino and Hernandez both turn it on, with Hernandez choking Dutt with his shirt before hip tossing him out of the corner with it. Hernandez with a splash on Dutt in the corner and Rhino follows up with a shoulderblock that puts Dutt out to the floor. Hernandez and Rhino charge at each other like bulls before Rhino ducks a clothesline and knocks Hernandez to the floor with a shoulderblock. Dutt back in with a shot on Rhino and he hammers away with forearms before choking Rhino against the middle rope. Snap mare from Dutt into a reverse chinlock and as Rhino tries to reverse to an atomic drop, Dutt flips over and pushes Rhino into a slingshot shoulderblock from Hernandez on the apron!! Hernandez blocks a punch from Dutt and whips him into the corner, charging in and eating a boot. Dutt goes up top and tries a splash, but Hernandez catches him and tries for a slam. Dutt turns it into a headscissors and gets a two-count off of it before being kicked off to the floor. Hernandez kicks Rhino in the gut and flips himself up to the top rope from the floor of the ring before hitting a HUGE MISSLE DROPKICK!! Dutt springboards off the ropes and over Hernandez, hitting a low dropkick into a low enziguri that puts Hernandez to the floor. Dutt turns to Rhino and turns right into a HUGE belly-to-belly suplex! RHINO WITH THE GOAARRRRRR!!! That’s going to put him down for a lot more than a three-count. Rhino with the cover and he gets the pin, advancing to the finals of the Turkey Bowl!!

Winner: Rhino (pinfall, Gore)

After the match, we’re rushed back to Jeff Jarrett’s office, with him saying that the decision has been made and that Angle will have to deal with it. Angle questions where Jarrett’s balls are and wonders if he’s just doing it to try to screw him so he Jarrett won’t have to face him at Genesis. Jarrett says it’s got nothing to do with that and everything to do with the keeping the thugs of the Main Event Mafia out of the match. Jarrett says that if they interfere, he’ll come out and Final Resolution and tear up Angle’s contract himself. Angle promises to whip Rhino’s ass and that he will have someone watching his back during the match, just to keep an eye on Foley’s ass.

We’re still in the back after the break with the TNA Frontline and AJ saying that he doesn’t know if they can trust “them”. Rhino assures him that they can and heads to visit Team 3-D. Brother Ray says that he heard the Patton speech that Rhino gave and assumed that they’d be back to see them. AJ questions them again and he and Samoa Joe head for the door, but Brother Devon tells them that if they leave they’ll get slaughtered, and not to let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. Rhino ends up in the middle of all four of them bickering and tells Team 3-D that AJ and Samoa Joe are in the same spot where all three of them were thirteen years ago. He says that people looked down on them and laughed at them and that they fought and fought and never gave up. Rhino asks if they really have another fight left in them, with Ray faking applause and asking if Rhino’s been watching Ray’s old ECW promos. He asks what’s in it for them and Samoa Joe tells them that it’s a matter of respect and that the only thing that is in it for them is doing what’s right. Joe says they have two hours and the Frontline walks as Ray tells Devon that that’s the lack of respect the MEM have been talking about.

Match Two: Turkey Bowl Semifinal Match
Consequences Creed vs. Cute Kip vs. Alex Shelley

HEY!! It’s Apollo’s slightly less talented cousin!! My money’s on Cute Kip, just because of how much it would piss me off. All three of them circle and Kip and Shelley turn on Creed, kicking him into the corner. Shelley gets up onto the top rope in one of the corners and takes a break as Kip tries a backdrop on Creed. Creed flips over and hits an enziguri, drawing Shelley back into the fight for a CHOPFEST!! Shelley with some standing elbows and forearms, but Creed eats all of them, fires back some of his own and scores with a BIG swinging neckbreaker!! Hip toss on Kip!! Chop for Shelley!! Armdrag on Kip!! Creed is on fire!! Shelley and Kip bail out to the floor and Creed hits Shelley with a FLIP DIVE OVER THE TOP!! Creed turns around, right into a forearm shot from Kip and takes a slam into the steel steps for his trouble. Kip and Shelley back into the ring and Shelley scores with a triple-kick into a two-count with Kip kicking him off and bailing to the floor. Shelley follows him to the apron and comes off the apron with a RUNNING KNEE!! Kip is down, Creed is down and Shelley’s standing tall in the ring!! Shelley hits a big right hand on Creed as he drags himself back into the ring and follows it with an Irish whip into a running elbow in the corner. Shelley backs off to take another run and Creed follows him with a clothesline, following it with another somersault clothesline. Creed hits a SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG, but before he can take advantage, Kip crawls back inside. Creed does his dancing splits deal, but Kip just hammers him in the face. Kip fires Shelley out to the floor and sets Creed up for the Fameasser, but Shelley grabs his ankle. Creed comes back with a big right hand that puts Kip out to the floor and Shelley hits a clothesline across the top rope. Springboard from Shelley, but Creed catches him on his shoulders. He looks to set him up for something, but Shelley escapes and manages a twisting lock-up on Creed into a pinning combination. The referee’s down and counts!! Shelley has a handful of tights!! 1-2-3, it’s all over!!!

Winner: Alex Shelley (pinfall, handful of tights cradle)

We’re in the back with Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, the Beautiful People, and they’ve asked for TV time to file a greivance. Apparently they have two problems. Cute Kip got screwed and The Beautiful People are not on Final Resolution. They berate some production guy from their whore thrones and the skanky one freaks out reading a letter. Yep, that’s what they call an F. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of them in your day. Apparently it’s a letter from Sarah Palin saying that she’ll take their money to give to her charity, but she won’t be able to make “Final Constitution” because of a prior moose hunting engagement. Apparently, she’s coming to Impact next week to make up for it and to pick up her oversized novelty check. The whores shriek and Sharmell comes into frame, saying that Booker wants to see them right now.

After the commercial, we see Rhino in Jeff Jarrett’s office and Jarrett says that Rhino has to focus on Angle at Final Resolution just as much as he is on the Frontline, because TNA is close to busting out domestically and internationally. That puts the unintentional shoot comment count at five already. Jarrett says for the sake of the business, he needs to keep his eye on the ball. Rhino promises he won’t let Jarrett down and says that after Final Resolution, he won’t have to worry about Angle ever again.

Tenay and West start breaking down the show thus far, asking about what’s going to happen in the Team 3-D situation before heading to the latest edition of Rough Cuts featuring LAX. Homicide and Hernandez both speak glowingly of each other, saying that they’re the ying and yang. Homicide says that they’re a fifty-fifty team and we hear some thoughts from their friends outside of the business as to why they work so well together. This ends up being a pretty good segment and helps flesh out LAX as a team and as people. As Jim Cornette always says, if the people don’t care, no one’s going to want to see you.

Lauren is in the locker room with Team 3-D and Brother Ray says that they’re thinking about what AJ and Joe said, but that they don’t respond to ultimatums. He says they sympathize with AJ and Joe, knowing what it’s like to build from the ground up, but that this is a business and that you don’t become successful by not tending to business first. Scott Steiner comes into the frame and says that if Team 3-D wants to talk business, they can talk business and offers Team 3-D an offer they can’t refuse.

After yet another commercial break, we head to the back with JB in the middle of an argument between Christy Hemme and Traci Brooks. Hemme remembers what Kong did to her and says that she’s spent the past three months training hard and she wants it SO badly. Brooks says that Kong isn’t an athlete, she’s an animal and that Hemme will get hurt. Hemme asks if she has to beg and says that she will do anything and blow anyone for her shot!! Well, she didn’t say the second part, but Brooks says that if she can beat Raisha Saeed in the middle of the ring, she’ll get her match with Kong at Final Resolution. Brooks says that she’s washing her hands of the entire thing and that if Hemme gets hurt, it’s her own damn fault.

Match Three: Turkey Bowl Semifinal Match
Jimmy Rave vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Matt Morgan

Wow, I thought I looked like a jackass playing Guitar Hero. Jimmy Rave has me beaten by a country mile. Ring announcer Dave Penzer calls Bashir the “Middle Eastern Nightmare”, which I would swear is a dish I saw on the menu at a shawarma joint last week. Morgan looks intense and Rave and Bashir both bail out with Rave looking like he’s going to drop a deuce on the floor. Rave and Bashir do a roshambo to figure out who’s getting their ass kicked first, with Bashir getting thrown off first and Rave flying around soon after. Morgan takes over on Rave, whipping him into Bashir in the corner and SPLASHING THEM BOTH!! Morgan picks up Rave for a fallaway slam, but Bashir clips him from behind. Both men try to cover Morgan, but both times he kicks out at two. Rave and Bashir take Morgan down and play wishbone with his legs before both dropping down with elbows to Morgan’s knees. The referee gets Bashir and Rave off of Morgan, but they both keep on the attack, stomping Morgan down in the corner before choking him with their boots. Rave and Bashir with right hands and as Rave poses, Bashir comes off the ropes, right into a kneeling back bodydrop from Morgan!! Morgan grabs Rave in the goozle and lets him go to hammer away on both Bashir and Rave before headbutting Rave down to the mat. Morgan grabs the both of them for a double-noggin knocker before hitting a DOUBLE-CROSSBODY BLOCK!! Two-count on both men, but Rave goes to the eyes before biting Morgan in the corner. Bashir grabs Rave in a sleeperhold, but Morgan’s got his wits about him again and PICKS THEM BOTH UP FOR A DOUBLE-FALLAWAY SLAM!! Holy. Shit. Morgan picks up Rave and whips him into the ropes for a HUGE bicycle kick!! Morgan tries to score another one on Bashir, but Bashir drops down and Morgan crotches himself over the ropes to the floor. Bashir with a WMDDT on Rave and he covers to score the three-count with Morgan out on the floor!! Bashir forces referee Shane Sewell to raise his hand over and over again while giving him the stinkeye.

Winner: Sheik Abdul Bashir (pinfall, WMDDT)

To the back and we’ve got a cluster in Booker T’s dressing room as Cute Kip lays out that Booker wants The Beautiful People out there whenever Sharmell walks to the ring to provide backup. Booker says he’ll look out for Kip and TBP if they do him this favor. He says that whatever they want, all they have to do is ask. They say that if they help Sharmell win, they get Booker’s locker room. Booker does a spit take all over the slores, and Batumbe Booker gets all flustered when Kip suggests that ODB is going to destroy Sharmell at Final Resolution. Booker tells them to hold on and says that if they want his locker room, they can have it. Booker and Sharmell remind me of the parents from Coming To America. Sharmell freaks out and throws Lauren out, slamming the door and knocking the star off of Booker’s dressing room door. If that’s not delicious irony for what’s happened to Booker since he left the WWE, I don’t know what is.

After the break, we’re in the back with JB who has Team 3-D and the Main Event Mafia. Kurt Angle calls the MEM a family and Brother Ray says that none of them look alike and that it’s every man for themselves in this business. Angle says that they get the respect they deserve and demand and brings up their past with the Motor City Machineguns. Devon asks where Angle and the MEM were weeks ago when the Frontline was established. Angle says that he’s saved the best for last and Team 3-D is the best, which prompts guffaws from Ray. Angle swears he means it and says that the MEM is the future of Team 3-D’s livelihood, before Steiner gives them suits and says that they’re custom-tailored husky so they should fit. I guess suits are the new T-shirts these days.

Match Four: TNA Knockouts Match
Raisha Saeed w/ Awesome Kong and Rahka Kahn vs. Christy Hemme

West and Tenay follow the time-honored tradition of wrestling by ignoring the women as they make their way to the ring to talk about the Main Event Mafia instead. I haven’t seen Rahka Kahn in forever, but she looks like she kissed the front end of a paint truck. Saeed starts the match with a quick go-behind and Hemme reverses it into a roll-up for a two-count. Crucifix from Hemme for another two-count before she smacks Saeed around in the corner, dragging her out for a sloppy bulldog that gets another two-count. Hemme is SHRIEKING at Saeed, but as she tries a dropkick, Saeed holds onto the ropes and sends Hemme crashing to the mat. Saeed picks Hemme up and hits a big bodyslam into a cover for two. Stomps from Saeed and she drags Hemme up by the hair before flinging her out to the floor, right into the clutches of Awesome Kong. IRISH WHIP INTO THE BARRICADE BY KONG!! Bitch ain’t here to fuck around!! She flips Hemme back into the ring and Saeed pie-faces her before hitting a surfboard into a curbstomp. Saeed with a cover that gets two and she follows it with mounted punches. Saeed heads up to the top rope, waiting for Hemme to get to her feet and she MISSES THE MISSLE DROPKICK!!! Hemme with some bulldogs and she goes up to the second rope for an, I shit you not, Flying Firecrotch Guillotine legdrop that misses. Only TNA could come up with that kind of thing, I swear. Saeed picks her up for what looks like a powerbomb, but Hemme rolls through into a sunset flip for the three-count!!

Winner: Christy Hemme (pinfall, sunset flip)

Kong stops the party by WAFFLING Hemme and throwing her around the ring by her hair. Kong and Kahn try a double-clothesline, but Hemme ducks under and hits the floor to survive the attack.

Random Impact Observation # 1: The Flying Firecrotch Guillotine is possibly the most retarded name I’ve ever heard of for a wrestling move and that’s saying something when a guy used to use something called the French Tickler. Utterly ri-god-damn-diculous.

Now we get a sit-down interview with Mike Tenay and AJ Styles. Styles talks about how Rhino gives them the boost they need and that he can lead them in the right direction based on his experience and his history. Tenay asks about dissension in the ranks and mentions Sting’s comments about them all being at each other’s throats. Styles says that everyone makes mistakes and that they’ll all grow from them. Tenay brings up Sting’s personal comments about Styles’ past and Styles says that it wasn’t that he was thrown out, it was that he knocked his drunk-ass old man out after he’d whupped on his mother. Styles says he left because he had to make sure that his family was going to get taken care of and that his brothers weren’t going to be touched anymore. The look on Tenay’s face when Styles said that line is Dateline-worthy. Styles says that at that point, his brothers saw that something great had happened and that they knew they would never have to go through those things again.

From there, Lauren’s got Sting and Kevin Nash in their locker room for their reaction to AJ’s interview and they don’t seem impressed. Sting says that he doesn’t know how to feel and that he wants to believe AJ, but that there’s a lot that doesn’t add up. Nash slurs his way through a promo, saying that AJ is full of shit and a spoiled brat that had it coming. Sting asks Nash, what if he’s right. Nash says that their code is honor and that there’s two new members to welcome to the Main Event Mafia tonight and that they need to prepare for that as Sting tries to look conflicted.

Random Commercial Observation # 1: Seeing Ozzy Osbourne in that World of Warcraft commercial is so sad. You know you’ve done a fuck-ton of drugs when you need subtitles in a commercial and you’re SPEAKING ENGLISH!! I can’t blame him for wanting to cash in, but he’s really just a sad cariacature at this point.

Random Commercial Observation # 2: Anyone else want to slap the smug off of the face of that gap-toothed asshole in the Bowflex commercial? “I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends.” Honestly, what a douche. Shame you can’t work out your personality issues on that thing there, Bryan.

Lauren’s in the Impact interview area with Alex Shelley and he says that you can do a lot of things for $25,000. He says that maybe you could buy AJ Styles a personality or buy Samoa Joe a singlet with that kind of money. OOOOOHHHHH, SNAP!! He says that it would be more than enough to buy TNA shareholder Mick Foley a decent wardrobe, asking Mick if it would kill him to dress like a grown-ass man for once in his life before saying he looks like the CEO of Bumfights. Damn son, Shelley’s on a ROLL!! Shelley says that when it’s all said and done, he’s going to be $25,000 richer. After that promo, which was total money and awesome, I’ll all but guarantee that Shelley will end up in that stupid suit.

Match Five: Turkey Bowl Finals (Winner Gets $25,000, Loser Wears A Turkey Suit)
Alex Shelley vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhino

Rhino charges to the ring and looks ready for action. We’ve got Jeremy Borash in the ring for the SUPER-DUPER, SUPER-SPECIAL ring announcing. Shelley’s mugging as Borash explains the rules of the match is just outstanding. Goddamn, do I loves me some Alex Shelley. The bell rings and both Shelley and Bashir attack Rhino with punches and chops before they try a double-Irish whip. Rhino busts through and clotheslines both men down before sending Shelley out to the floor. Punches on Bashir in the corner by Rhino before he whips him across for a shoulderblock to the gut. BIG belly-to-belly by Rhino only gets a two-count as Shelley makes the save and kicks Rhino in the face. Irish whip from Shelley gets reversed into a spinebuster and Rhino gets a long, long two-count before we hit a commercial break.

Random Commercial Observation # 3: If I’m ever playing poker for Chicken McNuggets, I’m flipping that damn table over and going home. Grow a set of balls, act like a grown-up and play for money. Seriously.

Back from the break, Shelley and Bashir are working over Rhino on the floor, but Rhino fights back on Bashir!! Shelley jumps him and locks in a sleeper before Rhino backs him into the barricade. Bashir hits a big right hand and sends Rhino back into the ring for a two-count before hitting the chinlock. Rhino fights to his feet and bounces off the ropes, but Shelley pops up onto the apron and hits an enziguri. Kneedrop from Shelley and a legdrop from Bashir leads to a two-count by Shelley before Bashir pulls him off. Shelley’s sitting and pouting routine after the pull-off is classic. Bashir hits a neckbreaker for a two-count and Shelley pulls him off, smirking and trying for a pinfall of his own that gets another two-count. Rhino gets to his feet and goes to work on Bashir with the rights, but Shelley kicks his leg out from under his leg and down goes Rhino. Shelley goes all Jericho and poses while standing over Rhino before Shelley and Bashir hit a double-suplex. Shelley shakes with Bashir and then tries to steal the pin, getting to two before Bashir pulls him off and threatens him with a dusky right hand. Bashir and Shelley get back on the same page sending Rhino into the corner with a double-Irish whip. Bashir whips Shelley into Rhino and Shelley hits a flying forearm before Bashir follows with a double-knee to the face. Shelley kicks out Rhino’s leg again and chokes him in the corner while shit-talking him. Bashir tells Shelley to set up for the Irish whip again and then double-crosses Shelley with a HUGE clothesline that gets two. Bashir lifts Shelley up to the top turnbuckle and follows him up, but Shelley fights him off to hit an inverted atomic drop off the second rope. Bashir and Shelley firing away with right hands and HERE COMES RHINO!! Shelley ducks a clothesline that WAFFLES Bashir, but turns right around into the GOARRRRRRRRRRR!!!! There’s the pin and inevitably there’s the three-count. What did I tell you, you had to know they’d put Shelley into the suit just because he’s the most entertaining of the three.

Winner: Rhino (pinfall, Gore)

Shelley kicks his feetsies like a kid that doesn’t want to put on his snow pants and rolls out to the floor as the referees chase him down with the suit. We head to a commercial as Mick Foley comes down to the ring in a leopard-print shirt and leather fringed vest that break about TEN fashion commandments all at once. Apparently Mick is thankful for whichever Salvation Army he stole that get-up from.

We see that during the break, Foley presented Rhino with the check and as we come back to live TV, Foley tells Shelley that he knew the rules and that he needs to put on the turkey suit. Shelley grabs the mic and says that if he puts this turkey suit on, none of the ladies in the crowd will be happy. He asks Foley if he really wants the female demographic to dip to zero for the Thanksgiving Impact. Foley says that Shelley is one of the most talented and dedicated wrestlers he’s seen in a long time and that he wants to have him on his show. Foley tells him that if he wants to leave without putting on the suit that’s fine, but there’s a difference between wanting someone on his show and needing them. Foley says that he’s going to deal and that people will remember this as the night that he began to deal. He says that if Shelley walks away without the turkey suit on, he’ll walk without his job so he better put on the damn suit by the count of ten. The crowd chants “Put It On” and Foley starts the ten-count. Shelley pouts for a couple of seconds before realizing he better get to it and sticks a leg into the suit. Foley accuses him of short-cutting and that he needs to finish the suit, adding that a couple of weeks ago Shelley made fun of the size of his ass, so now he’s going to make fun of the size of Shelley’s giblets. Shelley does a little check of the old trunks and then finally pulls the suit on all the way, smelling the head of it and looking disgusted. He puts the head on and the crowd pops for it as JB introduces him as the “Turkey of the Year”. He asks Shelley for his thoughts and he says there goes his shot with “Mrs. Palin” before adding that he might get a great MySpace picture out of it. Shelley asks if it makes “Mickey” happy before FLIPPING HIM OFF!! RIGHT HANDS FROM FOLEY!! DOUBLE-ARM DDT!! Shelley’s sell of the DDT is absolutely CLASSIC!!! Foley gets back on the mic and says that on this most special of nights, Shelley needs to be thankful that he still has a job.

Random Impact Observation # 2: Alex Shelley is a star in the making and this just proved it. Watching that entire match and the segment after it reminded me of a young Chris Jericho in his WCW Cruiserweight Champion phase. Only Jericho could pull off looking like an ass as much as he did in those instances and still have the people in the palm of his hand, and Shelley did the same thing with the turkey suit. I pray that TNA doesn’t screw this up because they could have the next Jericho. Of course, Jericho had to go to WWE before he really got what he deserved, so maybe I should hope for TNA to screw it up so that Shelley can shine where he belongs.

After the final commercial break, it’s main event interview time as The TNA Frontline, or at least Rhino, AJ and Samoa Joe hit the ring to get their answer from Team 3-D. AJ’s got the mic and calls out Brother Ray and Brother Devon to make their decision. He says they don’t have all night and ends up getting cut off by the music of the Main Event Mafia. Through the tunnel comes Angle, Steiner, Booker, Sharmell, Kevin Nash and Sting and they’re in the ring as well. Angle calls AJ a young smug punk making another demand to a veteran. He asks if they wanted Brother Ray and Brother Devon, they’ve got them and he introduces Team 3-D as the newest members of the Main Event Mafia. Here comes Ray and Devon and they’ve GOT THE SUITS ON!! IT’S LIKE A FATTER VERSION OF MEN IN BLACK!! If only they could erase my memory of most of the past two hours. Ray and Devon shake and share some hugs with the rest of the MEM and Samoa Joe looks like he wants to cry. Ray says that they gave it a lot of thought and that in the end, the conclusion was that the Main Event Mafia were right. They also came to the conclusion that the TNA Frontline is right as well, saying that both sides have a lot of merit. He also mentions that Kurt Angle struck a nerve when he brought up that they needed to think about their future. Ray says that their future as a team and their future in this business is what the Mafia can grant them. He talks about how important their legacy is to them, busting out the “most decorated tag team of all time” line. He says that he wants Team 3-D to be remembered like The Road Warriors, The Steiner Brothers, and Harlem Heat. Big boos for that one.

Ray says that they want to be remembered as two warriors and two hard-working guys who gave it all when they were in the ring. He says that they’re two of the men who built one of the most legendary companies of all time, and that they want to be remembered as part of the greatest collection of wrestling champions that have walked God’s Green Earth. He dubs them The Magnificent Seven and says that the Frontline doesn’t understand that the Mafia offers power and money and that they have brains. He says that the Frontline is all about muscles and fighting, all guts and balls but no brains. He says that guts and balls are good and if being part of the Frontline is wrong, then THEY DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT!! SWERVE-OLA!! THE FRONTLINE IS HAMMERING AWAY ON THE MAFIA!! AJ AND JOE ARE OUT FOR THE TABLES!! TEAM 3-D HAS ANGLE!! They look for a 3-D through the table, but Sting makes the save and drags Angle out to the floor!! The Frontline stands tall in the ring as we fade out!!!

“

“

- Earlier today, JB caught up with the Main Event Mafia. Kurt explains that tonight the MEM will give Christian a proper burial. Either that or help hype Survivor Series’s Casket Match.

- After the video intro, Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

The Main Event Mafia’s hired help roll a casket to the ring. The casket is placed in the middle of the ring alongside a picture of Cage getting beat up from last week. Angle, as he should, does the majority of the talking. He says that Cage refused to make a commitment to not only the MEM but to TNA, the company. Therefore, the MEM had no other choice but to beat Christian within an inch of his life and send him back to the WWE. Angle declares that Christian’s beatdown is a warning to anyone in the back who dares to cross the MEM. After hyping his upcoming match with Jeff Jarrett at Final Resolution, he offers an open microphone to anyone in the back.

And here comes Rhino. He states that he has a problem with the MEM jumping Christian. Nash interrupts and lets him know that he can shove it. Rhino counters back with BULLSHIT~. Nash and Rhino go back and forth with petty insults and shoot comments. For instance, Rhino states that the MEM is afraid of losing their spot to a younger generation. He called them all BITCHES. Dem fighting words, kids.

Booker takes the microphone and lets Rhino know that his dog has bigger balls than Rhino. He dares Rhino to charge into the ring, which he does. The beatdown commences with a five on one attack before Booker levels him with his Legends Championship. Angle attacks the newly opened wound on Rhino’s forehead as we get an instant replay of the belt shot. The MEM places Rhino in the coffin to end the segment…

- Or is it? In the back, Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, and JB discuss the heinousness of the MEM. Well, JB just holds the microphone while Jarrett states that he is taking back the house tonight!

- In the back, AJ Styles rounds up the troops. Well, the MCMGs aren’t too happy with AJ’s pleads. Foley joins them and lets the MCMGs know that they are arrogant and disrespectful. He makes a match for tonight: the MCMGs vs. Samoa Joe & AJ Styles.

Match One: “The Guru” Sonjay Dutt & Tanahashi vs. Consequences Creed & “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal

Dutt and Lethal start for a brief second as Tanahashi sneak attacks Lethal. Creed takes care of Tanahashi allowing Lethal to take down Dutt with a springboard back elbow. So Cal Val distracts Lethal allowing Dutt to take over. Tag to Tanahashi and the two heels hit a nice low dropkick/cannonball splash double team. Another splash gets 2 for Tanahashi. Back suplex is escaped allowing Lethal to nail him with an enziguri. Hot tags to Dutt and Creed. A three-handled moss covered family gredunza takes out Dutt. Creed hits his combination punches to Tanahashi before leveling Dutt. Dutt fights back with a jawbreaker. Dutt’s inverted DDT is countered to a TKO. That picks up the win for Creed and Lethal.

Winner: Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal @ 2:24 via pin
# Way too short to mean anything. The action was fine but it was over before the match really began.
RATING: *

-In the back, Lauren interviews with the Beautiful People. She lets the BP know that Christy Hemme has found a partner in Sojournor Bolt. Velvet Sky spends the next minute making fun of her name. Love asks the important question “Why is Christy Hemme still trying to play wrestler?” Love lets us also know that her foot will end up inside Hemme’s g-string. By the way, Kip’s “suck it” was actually digitized out. Censorship rules!

- Suicide is coming!

- A video package hypes the upcoming “Feast or Fired” match at Final Resolution. The video does a good enough job stressing the importance of this match even though I still don’t understand the rules.

- In the back, Jim Cornette berates Shane Sewell, wrestling referee. Cornette demands that Shane strips Eric Young of the belt. The Sheik is champion again. Cornette puts Shane on probation before giving Young a match against Booker T for the Legends Championship. Shouldn’t Cornette have given Young a rematch with the Sheik? What does Booker have to do with anything?

Match Two: The Beautiful People vs. Christy Hemme & Sojournor Bolt

Bolt’s name is way too long for a t-shirt. Don West gives Hemme the “Kelly Kelly Most Improved” verbal blowjob. Bolt and Love start. Bolt shoulderblocks Love down. A second whip attempt leads to a Love big boot. Love slugs away on Bolt on the mat before tagging in Sky. A double team elbow drop gets 2. Sky bounces Bolt’s head on the ground before taunting Christy Hemme. This allows Love to choke away at Bolt. Sky misses a clothesline allowing Bolt to crossbody her for 2. Sky chokes away with her boot. Chinlock is applied. Bolt easily gets out of the maneuver (for Sky is not Randy Orton) before tagging in Hemme. Hemme is a house on fire. Clothesline to Love. Double sledge to Sky. She takes down Love again. Matrix move sets up a kick to Sky. Cute Kip takes a shot to the face. This distraction allows Love to finish off Hemme with a Downward Spiral.

Winner: The Beautiful People @ 3:10 via pin
# Now this match was allotted enough time for what it needed to get across. Love is by far the best wrestler in the ring but Bolt held her own. Too bad, the same couldn’t be said for Sky or Hemme. With that said, nothing was blown and I was still entertained.
RATING: * ½

- TNA Rough Cut on Homicide. He tells a story how he wrestled with a tampon stuck in a bullet hole. I’m not sure why that was necessary but it made for a good story.

- Welcome to ODB’s Angle. Well she ain’t Karen. Her first guest is Sharmell. ODB drinks beer while no-selling Sharmell’s answer. To sum it up, ODB is a dirty bitch while Sharmell is prim and proper. God, this sucks. Finally, we get serious as ODB lets Sharmell know that it’s time for the young boys to take over. Sharmell tells ODB that the MEM deserves their spot before the ladies get catty. ODB challenges Sharmell to a one-on-one match at Final Resolution.

- In the back, JB is with the MEM. Angle lets Matt Morgan and Abyss know that they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Angle then offers Mick Foley two main events for Final Resolution: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett & the winner of tonight’s Joe & Angle/MCMG & two mystery partners vs. the MEM in an eight-man tag match.

- West & Tenay let us know that Petey Williams will be sidelined indefinitely.

Match Three: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. AJ Styles & Samoa Joe

The teams brawl to start. Sabin suicide dives onto Samoa Joe! AJ follows that up with a plancha to both MCMGs on the outside! COMMERCIAL TIME after forty-five seconds of action! DOUBLE WHAMMY!!!

We are back with Shelley dropkicking Joe in the back. Tag to Sabin and the two men kick the shit out of Joe. Sabin taunts Styles before dropping his forearm on Joe. Joe fights back with chops but runs into a boot. Joe blocks a top rope maneuver and nails Shelley with a snap powerslam. Tag to Shelley & Styles. Dropkick to Shelley. Flying forearm gets 2. Sabin stops Styles from delivering the Stlyes Clash. Joe takes out Shelley but Sabin clotheslines Joe down. Double kick to Stlyes in the corner. Styles blocks the Cradle Shock and nails the Pele. Joe decapitates Sabin while the Styels Clash finishes Shelley. After the match, the MEM (with Steiner & Sting on the outside) lay out Styles & Joe. Creed and Lethal try to help the youngsters but are also beaten down.

Winner: Samoa Joe & AJ Styles @ 7:09 (3:58 shown) via pin
# The commercial break killed this match as the entire middle portion was not shown. Rather, after a hot start, we returned with the hot tag. A good opening and ending sadly does not make up a good match.
RATING: **

- In Tracy Brooks’s office, Riesha Saeed asks for a new opponent for Awesome Kong. Since Brooks has no opponents, Saeed promises a Kong eating frenzy tonight. I hope that’s as entertaining as a Khali Kiss Kam.

- In the back, Rhino takes out the MCMG in the youngster’s locker room. Rhino mentions ECW during his rally cry to Joe, Styles, Lethal, Creed, and the MCMGs. Rhino gives a damn good promo here.

Match Four: Booker T vs. Eric Young for the Legends Championship

Lockup to start. After a clean break in the corner, Booker grabs a hammerlock. Young reverses into his own hammerlock before Booker forces a clean break at the ropes. They lockup and Booker knees him in the gut. Turnbuckle smash but Booker runs into an arm drag. Booker knees out of the hold and chops Young in the chest. Young’s hiptoss is blocked but not the arm drag. Booker knees out of the hold again but misses a sidekick. Young slugs away at Booker T but is thrown into the top rope. Now, the sidekick connects. A superkick sends Young back to the mat. Booker covers for 2.

Booker goes back to the arm but Young fights out. He ducks under a sidekick but is poked in the eye. Booker applies a Randy Orton-esque chinlock. Young escapes and takes down Booker with a chop. Clothesline and scoop slam get 2. Booker misses the Axe Kick allowing Young to hit him with a DVD for 2 ½. Young is tripped up by Sharmell allowing Booker to finish with the Axe Kick. ODB checks on Young after the match.

Winner: Booker T @ 5:10 via pin
# Is there any surprise that the longest match on the card is the best? Solid match from the two veterans here.
RATING: ** 1/2

- In the back, Mick Foley lets Jeff Jarrett know that Kurt Angle will not be happy with his Final Resolution decision.

- In the back, JB is with Team 3D. Devon explains how Beer Money does not know who Team 3D is. Ray questions how the MEM can be called the greatest faction ever lived if they do not have the greatest tag team by their side. Ray lets Beer Money know their time is coming.

- In the back, NASCAR driver Hermie Sadler is taken out by Awesome Kong. Or a stunt double is. Either way, it looked bad.

Main Event: Kevin Nash & Kurt Angle vs. Matt Morgan & Abyss

Abyss and Angle start. Angle goes behind Abyss before applying a side headlock. Abyss whips him off and shoulder blocks him. Angle rolls out to the floor to talk strategy with Nash. Kurt unloads with some offense which does nothing to the Monster. Off the ropes and Angle runs into a clothesline. Abyss does his best Mick Foley impersonation in the corner (albeit a lot slower) before big booting Angle. Shock Treatment connects for 2 ½. Tag to Morgan who runs into a few kicks to the knee. Morgan fights back with the Carbon Footprint for 2 ¾. And it’s commercial time!

Three minutes later we return with Morgan elbow dropping Angle for 2 ½. Tag to Nash who takes his time getting into the ring. Morgan and Nash stare each other down before coming to blows. Morgan takes advantage with quicker rights before Angle cheap shots Morgan. Clothesline by Nash for 2. Knees to the midsection in the corner by Nash. Nash follows them up with some elbows to the head. Nash chokes away at Morgan with a big boot (MOVESET). Angle tags in and goes to work on the knee. He drops two elbows before wrenching at the knee. Morgan fights out with his other leg. European uppercuts stagger Morgan but the Angle Slam is escaped. Morgan takes down Angle with a clothesline.

Here comes Beer Money! Hot tag to Abyss who clotheslines Nash, Angle, Nash, and then Angle again. Splash in the corner to both men. Side slam connects on Nash for 2. Angle makes the save but is dumped to the outside. Abyss follows allowing Morgan to trade blows with Nash. Morgan runs into an elbow before missing a big boot. Abyss and Angle return to the ring. Storm smashes a bottle onto Abyss’s head allowing Nash to deliver a mean big boot. That picks up the victory!

Winner: Kevin Nash & Kurt Angle @ 10:36 (7:18 shown) via pin.
# Decent match. The MEM really need another wrestler that can wrestle each week as Nash looked so old compared to the other three wrestlers. That really dragged down an otherwise decent match. Overall, if you missed it, you really didn’t miss much.
RATING: * ½

It’s main event interview time with Mick Foley. Foley acknowledges that each member of the MEM had a huge impact on wrestling in the past. He even accepted for a time being that they were the biggest stars in TNA. He even calls the MEM the greatest stable ever to step in the wrestling ring. After putting an initial stake in the TNA Originals, he know believes that the MEM might be the future of TNA. As the Executive Shareholder of TNA, Foley books two huge co-main events for Final Resolution. In the first main event:

Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, & TNA Champion Sting vs. Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and two mystery partners
- If the MEM wins, Sting retains his title
- If the TNA Originals win, AJ Styles becomes the new TNA Heavyweight Champion

In our second main event, Kurt Angle will take on Rhino!

Kurt calls his matchmaking BULLSHIT and asks Foley why Jeff Jarrett is a pussy. Angle throws a bitchfit and demands a match against Jeff Jarrett at Final Resolution. And if he can’t have Jarrett, he wants Foley! Angle bitchslaps Foley but before he can do any more damage, Jarrett hits the ring. As the founder of TNA wrestling, he will not allow Kurt to destroy everything he built. Jarrett adds a stipulation to the main event: if Kurt Angle beats Rhino, he gets his match with Jeff Jarrett. However, if Rhino beats Kurt Angle, Angle is fired! Jarrett offers a handshake but Angle slaps him. Rhino appears out of nowhere and GOARS Angle!

*End scene.

“

</div

iMPACT! (11.13.08)

[ No Comments ] Posted on 11.14.08 under TNA Wrestling Blog

NEWS: |411M| It’s the iMPACT! after Turning Point and here’s what happened…

• Categories

  • TNA Wrestling Blog
  • Uncategorized

• Archives

  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008

• Pages

  • About RSB
  • TNA News

• Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries RSS
  • Comments RSS
  • WordPress.org

• Podcast Feeds

  • 
  • 

• TNA News

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.