“

Out comes Rhino as the ring fills up with TNA Originals like Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Chris Sabin, Eric Young and the rest. Rhyno says he took the liberty of naming the group and calls them the TNA Frontline, making a war analogy saying that even when you feel like you’re bloody and beaten and can’t go on anymore, you pick yourself up and you fight on. He references building ECW ten years ago and how much the people respected those wrestlers for it, without referencing ECW by name, which leads to a TNA chant. Rhyno says he’s willing to go to war with them and will fight with them and he’s willing to die in the ring because he believes in it just as much as the fans believe in it. He asks the fans if they’ll go to war with them against the Main Event Mafia before heading out to the crowd to pump them up which starts another TNA chant. Rhino promises to rid TNA of Kurt Angle and that it’s up to AJ and Samoa Joe to take out the rest of the Main Event Mafia. Rhino disses the rest of the guys in the ring by saying that they don’t have enough experience to be their partners before saying that they will grow and add new members, making them an army rather than a force.

HERE COMES THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA!! I haven’t seen Scott Steiner in a suit since…well…ever. Kurt Angle comes out and calls Rhino delusional and says that he’ll destroy Rhino just so he can get his hands on Jeff Jarrett at Genesis. He makes fun of their “Frontline” name, saying he heard the Frontline likes it in the backdoor. He questions who they could be recruiting before adding that EVERYONE loves the Main Event Mafia. He says that the fans want to live their lives through them because they’re just that much better than everyone else. Angle tells Rhino he’s going to destroy the last fifteen years of his career if he goes through with it and gives him three seconds to reconsider. If he doesn’t, Angle promises he’ll be in a bodybag with his buddies in the ring. Rhino cuts him off at two and tells Angle to kiss his ass!! He says that if it’s war Angle wants, it’s war he’ll get and that at Final Resolution he’ll rip Angle in half with a GOOOOOARRRRRRR!!!!

We’re back to the Impact Zone and JB is in the back with Kurt Angle, asking about the match at Final Resolution. JB spills the beans, saying that Jeff Jarret has appointed a special enforcer for the match with Rhino and his name is Mick Foley. Angle goes ballistic and heads further into the back to find Jarrett!!

Match One: Turkey Bowl Semifinal Match
“The Guru” Sonjay Dutt w/So Cal Val vs. Hernandez vs. Rhino

HOLY HELL, Val got ten times hotter being with Sonjay. Dutt attacks Rhino early on and ducks a clothesline from Hernandez, before getting caught with an over-the-shoulder backbreaker. Rhino and Hernandez both turn it on, with Hernandez choking Dutt with his shirt before hip tossing him out of the corner with it. Hernandez with a splash on Dutt in the corner and Rhino follows up with a shoulderblock that puts Dutt out to the floor. Hernandez and Rhino charge at each other like bulls before Rhino ducks a clothesline and knocks Hernandez to the floor with a shoulderblock. Dutt back in with a shot on Rhino and he hammers away with forearms before choking Rhino against the middle rope. Snap mare from Dutt into a reverse chinlock and as Rhino tries to reverse to an atomic drop, Dutt flips over and pushes Rhino into a slingshot shoulderblock from Hernandez on the apron!! Hernandez blocks a punch from Dutt and whips him into the corner, charging in and eating a boot. Dutt goes up top and tries a splash, but Hernandez catches him and tries for a slam. Dutt turns it into a headscissors and gets a two-count off of it before being kicked off to the floor. Hernandez kicks Rhino in the gut and flips himself up to the top rope from the floor of the ring before hitting a HUGE MISSLE DROPKICK!! Dutt springboards off the ropes and over Hernandez, hitting a low dropkick into a low enziguri that puts Hernandez to the floor. Dutt turns to Rhino and turns right into a HUGE belly-to-belly suplex! RHINO WITH THE GOAARRRRRR!!! That’s going to put him down for a lot more than a three-count. Rhino with the cover and he gets the pin, advancing to the finals of the Turkey Bowl!!

Winner: Rhino (pinfall, Gore)

After the match, we’re rushed back to Jeff Jarrett’s office, with him saying that the decision has been made and that Angle will have to deal with it. Angle questions where Jarrett’s balls are and wonders if he’s just doing it to try to screw him so he Jarrett won’t have to face him at Genesis. Jarrett says it’s got nothing to do with that and everything to do with the keeping the thugs of the Main Event Mafia out of the match. Jarrett says that if they interfere, he’ll come out and Final Resolution and tear up Angle’s contract himself. Angle promises to whip Rhino’s ass and that he will have someone watching his back during the match, just to keep an eye on Foley’s ass.

We’re still in the back after the break with the TNA Frontline and AJ saying that he doesn’t know if they can trust “them”. Rhino assures him that they can and heads to visit Team 3-D. Brother Ray says that he heard the Patton speech that Rhino gave and assumed that they’d be back to see them. AJ questions them again and he and Samoa Joe head for the door, but Brother Devon tells them that if they leave they’ll get slaughtered, and not to let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. Rhino ends up in the middle of all four of them bickering and tells Team 3-D that AJ and Samoa Joe are in the same spot where all three of them were thirteen years ago. He says that people looked down on them and laughed at them and that they fought and fought and never gave up. Rhino asks if they really have another fight left in them, with Ray faking applause and asking if Rhino’s been watching Ray’s old ECW promos. He asks what’s in it for them and Samoa Joe tells them that it’s a matter of respect and that the only thing that is in it for them is doing what’s right. Joe says they have two hours and the Frontline walks as Ray tells Devon that that’s the lack of respect the MEM have been talking about.

Match Two: Turkey Bowl Semifinal Match
Consequences Creed vs. Cute Kip vs. Alex Shelley

HEY!! It’s Apollo’s slightly less talented cousin!! My money’s on Cute Kip, just because of how much it would piss me off. All three of them circle and Kip and Shelley turn on Creed, kicking him into the corner. Shelley gets up onto the top rope in one of the corners and takes a break as Kip tries a backdrop on Creed. Creed flips over and hits an enziguri, drawing Shelley back into the fight for a CHOPFEST!! Shelley with some standing elbows and forearms, but Creed eats all of them, fires back some of his own and scores with a BIG swinging neckbreaker!! Hip toss on Kip!! Chop for Shelley!! Armdrag on Kip!! Creed is on fire!! Shelley and Kip bail out to the floor and Creed hits Shelley with a FLIP DIVE OVER THE TOP!! Creed turns around, right into a forearm shot from Kip and takes a slam into the steel steps for his trouble. Kip and Shelley back into the ring and Shelley scores with a triple-kick into a two-count with Kip kicking him off and bailing to the floor. Shelley follows him to the apron and comes off the apron with a RUNNING KNEE!! Kip is down, Creed is down and Shelley’s standing tall in the ring!! Shelley hits a big right hand on Creed as he drags himself back into the ring and follows it with an Irish whip into a running elbow in the corner. Shelley backs off to take another run and Creed follows him with a clothesline, following it with another somersault clothesline. Creed hits a SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG, but before he can take advantage, Kip crawls back inside. Creed does his dancing splits deal, but Kip just hammers him in the face. Kip fires Shelley out to the floor and sets Creed up for the Fameasser, but Shelley grabs his ankle. Creed comes back with a big right hand that puts Kip out to the floor and Shelley hits a clothesline across the top rope. Springboard from Shelley, but Creed catches him on his shoulders. He looks to set him up for something, but Shelley escapes and manages a twisting lock-up on Creed into a pinning combination. The referee’s down and counts!! Shelley has a handful of tights!! 1-2-3, it’s all over!!!

Winner: Alex Shelley (pinfall, handful of tights cradle)

We’re in the back with Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, the Beautiful People, and they’ve asked for TV time to file a greivance. Apparently they have two problems. Cute Kip got screwed and The Beautiful People are not on Final Resolution. They berate some production guy from their whore thrones and the skanky one freaks out reading a letter. Yep, that’s what they call an F. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of them in your day. Apparently it’s a letter from Sarah Palin saying that she’ll take their money to give to her charity, but she won’t be able to make “Final Constitution” because of a prior moose hunting engagement. Apparently, she’s coming to Impact next week to make up for it and to pick up her oversized novelty check. The whores shriek and Sharmell comes into frame, saying that Booker wants to see them right now.

After the commercial, we see Rhino in Jeff Jarrett’s office and Jarrett says that Rhino has to focus on Angle at Final Resolution just as much as he is on the Frontline, because TNA is close to busting out domestically and internationally. That puts the unintentional shoot comment count at five already. Jarrett says for the sake of the business, he needs to keep his eye on the ball. Rhino promises he won’t let Jarrett down and says that after Final Resolution, he won’t have to worry about Angle ever again.

Tenay and West start breaking down the show thus far, asking about what’s going to happen in the Team 3-D situation before heading to the latest edition of Rough Cuts featuring LAX. Homicide and Hernandez both speak glowingly of each other, saying that they’re the ying and yang. Homicide says that they’re a fifty-fifty team and we hear some thoughts from their friends outside of the business as to why they work so well together. This ends up being a pretty good segment and helps flesh out LAX as a team and as people. As Jim Cornette always says, if the people don’t care, no one’s going to want to see you.

Lauren is in the locker room with Team 3-D and Brother Ray says that they’re thinking about what AJ and Joe said, but that they don’t respond to ultimatums. He says they sympathize with AJ and Joe, knowing what it’s like to build from the ground up, but that this is a business and that you don’t become successful by not tending to business first. Scott Steiner comes into the frame and says that if Team 3-D wants to talk business, they can talk business and offers Team 3-D an offer they can’t refuse.

After yet another commercial break, we head to the back with JB in the middle of an argument between Christy Hemme and Traci Brooks. Hemme remembers what Kong did to her and says that she’s spent the past three months training hard and she wants it SO badly. Brooks says that Kong isn’t an athlete, she’s an animal and that Hemme will get hurt. Hemme asks if she has to beg and says that she will do anything and blow anyone for her shot!! Well, she didn’t say the second part, but Brooks says that if she can beat Raisha Saeed in the middle of the ring, she’ll get her match with Kong at Final Resolution. Brooks says that she’s washing her hands of the entire thing and that if Hemme gets hurt, it’s her own damn fault.

Match Three: Turkey Bowl Semifinal Match
Jimmy Rave vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Matt Morgan

Wow, I thought I looked like a jackass playing Guitar Hero. Jimmy Rave has me beaten by a country mile. Ring announcer Dave Penzer calls Bashir the “Middle Eastern Nightmare”, which I would swear is a dish I saw on the menu at a shawarma joint last week. Morgan looks intense and Rave and Bashir both bail out with Rave looking like he’s going to drop a deuce on the floor. Rave and Bashir do a roshambo to figure out who’s getting their ass kicked first, with Bashir getting thrown off first and Rave flying around soon after. Morgan takes over on Rave, whipping him into Bashir in the corner and SPLASHING THEM BOTH!! Morgan picks up Rave for a fallaway slam, but Bashir clips him from behind. Both men try to cover Morgan, but both times he kicks out at two. Rave and Bashir take Morgan down and play wishbone with his legs before both dropping down with elbows to Morgan’s knees. The referee gets Bashir and Rave off of Morgan, but they both keep on the attack, stomping Morgan down in the corner before choking him with their boots. Rave and Bashir with right hands and as Rave poses, Bashir comes off the ropes, right into a kneeling back bodydrop from Morgan!! Morgan grabs Rave in the goozle and lets him go to hammer away on both Bashir and Rave before headbutting Rave down to the mat. Morgan grabs the both of them for a double-noggin knocker before hitting a DOUBLE-CROSSBODY BLOCK!! Two-count on both men, but Rave goes to the eyes before biting Morgan in the corner. Bashir grabs Rave in a sleeperhold, but Morgan’s got his wits about him again and PICKS THEM BOTH UP FOR A DOUBLE-FALLAWAY SLAM!! Holy. Shit. Morgan picks up Rave and whips him into the ropes for a HUGE bicycle kick!! Morgan tries to score another one on Bashir, but Bashir drops down and Morgan crotches himself over the ropes to the floor. Bashir with a WMDDT on Rave and he covers to score the three-count with Morgan out on the floor!! Bashir forces referee Shane Sewell to raise his hand over and over again while giving him the stinkeye.

Winner: Sheik Abdul Bashir (pinfall, WMDDT)

To the back and we’ve got a cluster in Booker T’s dressing room as Cute Kip lays out that Booker wants The Beautiful People out there whenever Sharmell walks to the ring to provide backup. Booker says he’ll look out for Kip and TBP if they do him this favor. He says that whatever they want, all they have to do is ask. They say that if they help Sharmell win, they get Booker’s locker room. Booker does a spit take all over the slores, and Batumbe Booker gets all flustered when Kip suggests that ODB is going to destroy Sharmell at Final Resolution. Booker tells them to hold on and says that if they want his locker room, they can have it. Booker and Sharmell remind me of the parents from Coming To America. Sharmell freaks out and throws Lauren out, slamming the door and knocking the star off of Booker’s dressing room door. If that’s not delicious irony for what’s happened to Booker since he left the WWE, I don’t know what is.

After the break, we’re in the back with JB who has Team 3-D and the Main Event Mafia. Kurt Angle calls the MEM a family and Brother Ray says that none of them look alike and that it’s every man for themselves in this business. Angle says that they get the respect they deserve and demand and brings up their past with the Motor City Machineguns. Devon asks where Angle and the MEM were weeks ago when the Frontline was established. Angle says that he’s saved the best for last and Team 3-D is the best, which prompts guffaws from Ray. Angle swears he means it and says that the MEM is the future of Team 3-D’s livelihood, before Steiner gives them suits and says that they’re custom-tailored husky so they should fit. I guess suits are the new T-shirts these days.

Match Four: TNA Knockouts Match
Raisha Saeed w/ Awesome Kong and Rahka Kahn vs. Christy Hemme

West and Tenay follow the time-honored tradition of wrestling by ignoring the women as they make their way to the ring to talk about the Main Event Mafia instead. I haven’t seen Rahka Kahn in forever, but she looks like she kissed the front end of a paint truck. Saeed starts the match with a quick go-behind and Hemme reverses it into a roll-up for a two-count. Crucifix from Hemme for another two-count before she smacks Saeed around in the corner, dragging her out for a sloppy bulldog that gets another two-count. Hemme is SHRIEKING at Saeed, but as she tries a dropkick, Saeed holds onto the ropes and sends Hemme crashing to the mat. Saeed picks Hemme up and hits a big bodyslam into a cover for two. Stomps from Saeed and she drags Hemme up by the hair before flinging her out to the floor, right into the clutches of Awesome Kong. IRISH WHIP INTO THE BARRICADE BY KONG!! Bitch ain’t here to fuck around!! She flips Hemme back into the ring and Saeed pie-faces her before hitting a surfboard into a curbstomp. Saeed with a cover that gets two and she follows it with mounted punches. Saeed heads up to the top rope, waiting for Hemme to get to her feet and she MISSES THE MISSLE DROPKICK!!! Hemme with some bulldogs and she goes up to the second rope for an, I shit you not, Flying Firecrotch Guillotine legdrop that misses. Only TNA could come up with that kind of thing, I swear. Saeed picks her up for what looks like a powerbomb, but Hemme rolls through into a sunset flip for the three-count!!

Winner: Christy Hemme (pinfall, sunset flip)

Kong stops the party by WAFFLING Hemme and throwing her around the ring by her hair. Kong and Kahn try a double-clothesline, but Hemme ducks under and hits the floor to survive the attack.

Random Impact Observation # 1: The Flying Firecrotch Guillotine is possibly the most retarded name I’ve ever heard of for a wrestling move and that’s saying something when a guy used to use something called the French Tickler. Utterly ri-god-damn-diculous.

Now we get a sit-down interview with Mike Tenay and AJ Styles. Styles talks about how Rhino gives them the boost they need and that he can lead them in the right direction based on his experience and his history. Tenay asks about dissension in the ranks and mentions Sting’s comments about them all being at each other’s throats. Styles says that everyone makes mistakes and that they’ll all grow from them. Tenay brings up Sting’s personal comments about Styles’ past and Styles says that it wasn’t that he was thrown out, it was that he knocked his drunk-ass old man out after he’d whupped on his mother. Styles says he left because he had to make sure that his family was going to get taken care of and that his brothers weren’t going to be touched anymore. The look on Tenay’s face when Styles said that line is Dateline-worthy. Styles says that at that point, his brothers saw that something great had happened and that they knew they would never have to go through those things again.

From there, Lauren’s got Sting and Kevin Nash in their locker room for their reaction to AJ’s interview and they don’t seem impressed. Sting says that he doesn’t know how to feel and that he wants to believe AJ, but that there’s a lot that doesn’t add up. Nash slurs his way through a promo, saying that AJ is full of shit and a spoiled brat that had it coming. Sting asks Nash, what if he’s right. Nash says that their code is honor and that there’s two new members to welcome to the Main Event Mafia tonight and that they need to prepare for that as Sting tries to look conflicted.

Random Commercial Observation # 1: Seeing Ozzy Osbourne in that World of Warcraft commercial is so sad. You know you’ve done a fuck-ton of drugs when you need subtitles in a commercial and you’re SPEAKING ENGLISH!! I can’t blame him for wanting to cash in, but he’s really just a sad cariacature at this point.

Random Commercial Observation # 2: Anyone else want to slap the smug off of the face of that gap-toothed asshole in the Bowflex commercial? “I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends.” Honestly, what a douche. Shame you can’t work out your personality issues on that thing there, Bryan.

Lauren’s in the Impact interview area with Alex Shelley and he says that you can do a lot of things for $25,000. He says that maybe you could buy AJ Styles a personality or buy Samoa Joe a singlet with that kind of money. OOOOOHHHHH, SNAP!! He says that it would be more than enough to buy TNA shareholder Mick Foley a decent wardrobe, asking Mick if it would kill him to dress like a grown-ass man for once in his life before saying he looks like the CEO of Bumfights. Damn son, Shelley’s on a ROLL!! Shelley says that when it’s all said and done, he’s going to be $25,000 richer. After that promo, which was total money and awesome, I’ll all but guarantee that Shelley will end up in that stupid suit.

Match Five: Turkey Bowl Finals (Winner Gets $25,000, Loser Wears A Turkey Suit)
Alex Shelley vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhino

Rhino charges to the ring and looks ready for action. We’ve got Jeremy Borash in the ring for the SUPER-DUPER, SUPER-SPECIAL ring announcing. Shelley’s mugging as Borash explains the rules of the match is just outstanding. Goddamn, do I loves me some Alex Shelley. The bell rings and both Shelley and Bashir attack Rhino with punches and chops before they try a double-Irish whip. Rhino busts through and clotheslines both men down before sending Shelley out to the floor. Punches on Bashir in the corner by Rhino before he whips him across for a shoulderblock to the gut. BIG belly-to-belly by Rhino only gets a two-count as Shelley makes the save and kicks Rhino in the face. Irish whip from Shelley gets reversed into a spinebuster and Rhino gets a long, long two-count before we hit a commercial break.

Random Commercial Observation # 3: If I’m ever playing poker for Chicken McNuggets, I’m flipping that damn table over and going home. Grow a set of balls, act like a grown-up and play for money. Seriously.

Back from the break, Shelley and Bashir are working over Rhino on the floor, but Rhino fights back on Bashir!! Shelley jumps him and locks in a sleeper before Rhino backs him into the barricade. Bashir hits a big right hand and sends Rhino back into the ring for a two-count before hitting the chinlock. Rhino fights to his feet and bounces off the ropes, but Shelley pops up onto the apron and hits an enziguri. Kneedrop from Shelley and a legdrop from Bashir leads to a two-count by Shelley before Bashir pulls him off. Shelley’s sitting and pouting routine after the pull-off is classic. Bashir hits a neckbreaker for a two-count and Shelley pulls him off, smirking and trying for a pinfall of his own that gets another two-count. Rhino gets to his feet and goes to work on Bashir with the rights, but Shelley kicks his leg out from under his leg and down goes Rhino. Shelley goes all Jericho and poses while standing over Rhino before Shelley and Bashir hit a double-suplex. Shelley shakes with Bashir and then tries to steal the pin, getting to two before Bashir pulls him off and threatens him with a dusky right hand. Bashir and Shelley get back on the same page sending Rhino into the corner with a double-Irish whip. Bashir whips Shelley into Rhino and Shelley hits a flying forearm before Bashir follows with a double-knee to the face. Shelley kicks out Rhino’s leg again and chokes him in the corner while shit-talking him. Bashir tells Shelley to set up for the Irish whip again and then double-crosses Shelley with a HUGE clothesline that gets two. Bashir lifts Shelley up to the top turnbuckle and follows him up, but Shelley fights him off to hit an inverted atomic drop off the second rope. Bashir and Shelley firing away with right hands and HERE COMES RHINO!! Shelley ducks a clothesline that WAFFLES Bashir, but turns right around into the GOARRRRRRRRRRR!!!! There’s the pin and inevitably there’s the three-count. What did I tell you, you had to know they’d put Shelley into the suit just because he’s the most entertaining of the three.

Winner: Rhino (pinfall, Gore)

Shelley kicks his feetsies like a kid that doesn’t want to put on his snow pants and rolls out to the floor as the referees chase him down with the suit. We head to a commercial as Mick Foley comes down to the ring in a leopard-print shirt and leather fringed vest that break about TEN fashion commandments all at once. Apparently Mick is thankful for whichever Salvation Army he stole that get-up from.

We see that during the break, Foley presented Rhino with the check and as we come back to live TV, Foley tells Shelley that he knew the rules and that he needs to put on the turkey suit. Shelley grabs the mic and says that if he puts this turkey suit on, none of the ladies in the crowd will be happy. He asks Foley if he really wants the female demographic to dip to zero for the Thanksgiving Impact. Foley says that Shelley is one of the most talented and dedicated wrestlers he’s seen in a long time and that he wants to have him on his show. Foley tells him that if he wants to leave without putting on the suit that’s fine, but there’s a difference between wanting someone on his show and needing them. Foley says that he’s going to deal and that people will remember this as the night that he began to deal. He says that if Shelley walks away without the turkey suit on, he’ll walk without his job so he better put on the damn suit by the count of ten. The crowd chants “Put It On” and Foley starts the ten-count. Shelley pouts for a couple of seconds before realizing he better get to it and sticks a leg into the suit. Foley accuses him of short-cutting and that he needs to finish the suit, adding that a couple of weeks ago Shelley made fun of the size of his ass, so now he’s going to make fun of the size of Shelley’s giblets. Shelley does a little check of the old trunks and then finally pulls the suit on all the way, smelling the head of it and looking disgusted. He puts the head on and the crowd pops for it as JB introduces him as the “Turkey of the Year”. He asks Shelley for his thoughts and he says there goes his shot with “Mrs. Palin” before adding that he might get a great MySpace picture out of it. Shelley asks if it makes “Mickey” happy before FLIPPING HIM OFF!! RIGHT HANDS FROM FOLEY!! DOUBLE-ARM DDT!! Shelley’s sell of the DDT is absolutely CLASSIC!!! Foley gets back on the mic and says that on this most special of nights, Shelley needs to be thankful that he still has a job.

Random Impact Observation # 2: Alex Shelley is a star in the making and this just proved it. Watching that entire match and the segment after it reminded me of a young Chris Jericho in his WCW Cruiserweight Champion phase. Only Jericho could pull off looking like an ass as much as he did in those instances and still have the people in the palm of his hand, and Shelley did the same thing with the turkey suit. I pray that TNA doesn’t screw this up because they could have the next Jericho. Of course, Jericho had to go to WWE before he really got what he deserved, so maybe I should hope for TNA to screw it up so that Shelley can shine where he belongs.

After the final commercial break, it’s main event interview time as The TNA Frontline, or at least Rhino, AJ and Samoa Joe hit the ring to get their answer from Team 3-D. AJ’s got the mic and calls out Brother Ray and Brother Devon to make their decision. He says they don’t have all night and ends up getting cut off by the music of the Main Event Mafia. Through the tunnel comes Angle, Steiner, Booker, Sharmell, Kevin Nash and Sting and they’re in the ring as well. Angle calls AJ a young smug punk making another demand to a veteran. He asks if they wanted Brother Ray and Brother Devon, they’ve got them and he introduces Team 3-D as the newest members of the Main Event Mafia. Here comes Ray and Devon and they’ve GOT THE SUITS ON!! IT’S LIKE A FATTER VERSION OF MEN IN BLACK!! If only they could erase my memory of most of the past two hours. Ray and Devon shake and share some hugs with the rest of the MEM and Samoa Joe looks like he wants to cry. Ray says that they gave it a lot of thought and that in the end, the conclusion was that the Main Event Mafia were right. They also came to the conclusion that the TNA Frontline is right as well, saying that both sides have a lot of merit. He also mentions that Kurt Angle struck a nerve when he brought up that they needed to think about their future. Ray says that their future as a team and their future in this business is what the Mafia can grant them. He talks about how important their legacy is to them, busting out the “most decorated tag team of all time” line. He says that he wants Team 3-D to be remembered like The Road Warriors, The Steiner Brothers, and Harlem Heat. Big boos for that one.

Ray says that they want to be remembered as two warriors and two hard-working guys who gave it all when they were in the ring. He says that they’re two of the men who built one of the most legendary companies of all time, and that they want to be remembered as part of the greatest collection of wrestling champions that have walked God’s Green Earth. He dubs them The Magnificent Seven and says that the Frontline doesn’t understand that the Mafia offers power and money and that they have brains. He says that the Frontline is all about muscles and fighting, all guts and balls but no brains. He says that guts and balls are good and if being part of the Frontline is wrong, then THEY DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT!! SWERVE-OLA!! THE FRONTLINE IS HAMMERING AWAY ON THE MAFIA!! AJ AND JOE ARE OUT FOR THE TABLES!! TEAM 3-D HAS ANGLE!! They look for a 3-D through the table, but Sting makes the save and drags Angle out to the floor!! The Frontline stands tall in the ring as we fade out!!!

“

“

- Earlier today, JB caught up with the Main Event Mafia. Kurt explains that tonight the MEM will give Christian a proper burial. Either that or help hype Survivor Series’s Casket Match.

- After the video intro, Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

The Main Event Mafia’s hired help roll a casket to the ring. The casket is placed in the middle of the ring alongside a picture of Cage getting beat up from last week. Angle, as he should, does the majority of the talking. He says that Cage refused to make a commitment to not only the MEM but to TNA, the company. Therefore, the MEM had no other choice but to beat Christian within an inch of his life and send him back to the WWE. Angle declares that Christian’s beatdown is a warning to anyone in the back who dares to cross the MEM. After hyping his upcoming match with Jeff Jarrett at Final Resolution, he offers an open microphone to anyone in the back.

And here comes Rhino. He states that he has a problem with the MEM jumping Christian. Nash interrupts and lets him know that he can shove it. Rhino counters back with BULLSHIT~. Nash and Rhino go back and forth with petty insults and shoot comments. For instance, Rhino states that the MEM is afraid of losing their spot to a younger generation. He called them all BITCHES. Dem fighting words, kids.

Booker takes the microphone and lets Rhino know that his dog has bigger balls than Rhino. He dares Rhino to charge into the ring, which he does. The beatdown commences with a five on one attack before Booker levels him with his Legends Championship. Angle attacks the newly opened wound on Rhino’s forehead as we get an instant replay of the belt shot. The MEM places Rhino in the coffin to end the segment…

- Or is it? In the back, Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, and JB discuss the heinousness of the MEM. Well, JB just holds the microphone while Jarrett states that he is taking back the house tonight!

- In the back, AJ Styles rounds up the troops. Well, the MCMGs aren’t too happy with AJ’s pleads. Foley joins them and lets the MCMGs know that they are arrogant and disrespectful. He makes a match for tonight: the MCMGs vs. Samoa Joe & AJ Styles.

Match One: “The Guru” Sonjay Dutt & Tanahashi vs. Consequences Creed & “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal

Dutt and Lethal start for a brief second as Tanahashi sneak attacks Lethal. Creed takes care of Tanahashi allowing Lethal to take down Dutt with a springboard back elbow. So Cal Val distracts Lethal allowing Dutt to take over. Tag to Tanahashi and the two heels hit a nice low dropkick/cannonball splash double team. Another splash gets 2 for Tanahashi. Back suplex is escaped allowing Lethal to nail him with an enziguri. Hot tags to Dutt and Creed. A three-handled moss covered family gredunza takes out Dutt. Creed hits his combination punches to Tanahashi before leveling Dutt. Dutt fights back with a jawbreaker. Dutt’s inverted DDT is countered to a TKO. That picks up the win for Creed and Lethal.

Winner: Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal @ 2:24 via pin
# Way too short to mean anything. The action was fine but it was over before the match really began.
RATING: *

-In the back, Lauren interviews with the Beautiful People. She lets the BP know that Christy Hemme has found a partner in Sojournor Bolt. Velvet Sky spends the next minute making fun of her name. Love asks the important question “Why is Christy Hemme still trying to play wrestler?” Love lets us also know that her foot will end up inside Hemme’s g-string. By the way, Kip’s “suck it” was actually digitized out. Censorship rules!

- Suicide is coming!

- A video package hypes the upcoming “Feast or Fired” match at Final Resolution. The video does a good enough job stressing the importance of this match even though I still don’t understand the rules.

- In the back, Jim Cornette berates Shane Sewell, wrestling referee. Cornette demands that Shane strips Eric Young of the belt. The Sheik is champion again. Cornette puts Shane on probation before giving Young a match against Booker T for the Legends Championship. Shouldn’t Cornette have given Young a rematch with the Sheik? What does Booker have to do with anything?

Match Two: The Beautiful People vs. Christy Hemme & Sojournor Bolt

Bolt’s name is way too long for a t-shirt. Don West gives Hemme the “Kelly Kelly Most Improved” verbal blowjob. Bolt and Love start. Bolt shoulderblocks Love down. A second whip attempt leads to a Love big boot. Love slugs away on Bolt on the mat before tagging in Sky. A double team elbow drop gets 2. Sky bounces Bolt’s head on the ground before taunting Christy Hemme. This allows Love to choke away at Bolt. Sky misses a clothesline allowing Bolt to crossbody her for 2. Sky chokes away with her boot. Chinlock is applied. Bolt easily gets out of the maneuver (for Sky is not Randy Orton) before tagging in Hemme. Hemme is a house on fire. Clothesline to Love. Double sledge to Sky. She takes down Love again. Matrix move sets up a kick to Sky. Cute Kip takes a shot to the face. This distraction allows Love to finish off Hemme with a Downward Spiral.

Winner: The Beautiful People @ 3:10 via pin
# Now this match was allotted enough time for what it needed to get across. Love is by far the best wrestler in the ring but Bolt held her own. Too bad, the same couldn’t be said for Sky or Hemme. With that said, nothing was blown and I was still entertained.
RATING: * ½

- TNA Rough Cut on Homicide. He tells a story how he wrestled with a tampon stuck in a bullet hole. I’m not sure why that was necessary but it made for a good story.

- Welcome to ODB’s Angle. Well she ain’t Karen. Her first guest is Sharmell. ODB drinks beer while no-selling Sharmell’s answer. To sum it up, ODB is a dirty bitch while Sharmell is prim and proper. God, this sucks. Finally, we get serious as ODB lets Sharmell know that it’s time for the young boys to take over. Sharmell tells ODB that the MEM deserves their spot before the ladies get catty. ODB challenges Sharmell to a one-on-one match at Final Resolution.

- In the back, JB is with the MEM. Angle lets Matt Morgan and Abyss know that they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Angle then offers Mick Foley two main events for Final Resolution: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett & the winner of tonight’s Joe & Angle/MCMG & two mystery partners vs. the MEM in an eight-man tag match.

- West & Tenay let us know that Petey Williams will be sidelined indefinitely.

Match Three: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. AJ Styles & Samoa Joe

The teams brawl to start. Sabin suicide dives onto Samoa Joe! AJ follows that up with a plancha to both MCMGs on the outside! COMMERCIAL TIME after forty-five seconds of action! DOUBLE WHAMMY!!!

We are back with Shelley dropkicking Joe in the back. Tag to Sabin and the two men kick the shit out of Joe. Sabin taunts Styles before dropping his forearm on Joe. Joe fights back with chops but runs into a boot. Joe blocks a top rope maneuver and nails Shelley with a snap powerslam. Tag to Shelley & Styles. Dropkick to Shelley. Flying forearm gets 2. Sabin stops Styles from delivering the Stlyes Clash. Joe takes out Shelley but Sabin clotheslines Joe down. Double kick to Stlyes in the corner. Styles blocks the Cradle Shock and nails the Pele. Joe decapitates Sabin while the Styels Clash finishes Shelley. After the match, the MEM (with Steiner & Sting on the outside) lay out Styles & Joe. Creed and Lethal try to help the youngsters but are also beaten down.

Winner: Samoa Joe & AJ Styles @ 7:09 (3:58 shown) via pin
# The commercial break killed this match as the entire middle portion was not shown. Rather, after a hot start, we returned with the hot tag. A good opening and ending sadly does not make up a good match.
RATING: **

- In Tracy Brooks’s office, Riesha Saeed asks for a new opponent for Awesome Kong. Since Brooks has no opponents, Saeed promises a Kong eating frenzy tonight. I hope that’s as entertaining as a Khali Kiss Kam.

- In the back, Rhino takes out the MCMG in the youngster’s locker room. Rhino mentions ECW during his rally cry to Joe, Styles, Lethal, Creed, and the MCMGs. Rhino gives a damn good promo here.

Match Four: Booker T vs. Eric Young for the Legends Championship

Lockup to start. After a clean break in the corner, Booker grabs a hammerlock. Young reverses into his own hammerlock before Booker forces a clean break at the ropes. They lockup and Booker knees him in the gut. Turnbuckle smash but Booker runs into an arm drag. Booker knees out of the hold and chops Young in the chest. Young’s hiptoss is blocked but not the arm drag. Booker knees out of the hold again but misses a sidekick. Young slugs away at Booker T but is thrown into the top rope. Now, the sidekick connects. A superkick sends Young back to the mat. Booker covers for 2.

Booker goes back to the arm but Young fights out. He ducks under a sidekick but is poked in the eye. Booker applies a Randy Orton-esque chinlock. Young escapes and takes down Booker with a chop. Clothesline and scoop slam get 2. Booker misses the Axe Kick allowing Young to hit him with a DVD for 2 ½. Young is tripped up by Sharmell allowing Booker to finish with the Axe Kick. ODB checks on Young after the match.

Winner: Booker T @ 5:10 via pin
# Is there any surprise that the longest match on the card is the best? Solid match from the two veterans here.
RATING: ** 1/2

- In the back, Mick Foley lets Jeff Jarrett know that Kurt Angle will not be happy with his Final Resolution decision.

- In the back, JB is with Team 3D. Devon explains how Beer Money does not know who Team 3D is. Ray questions how the MEM can be called the greatest faction ever lived if they do not have the greatest tag team by their side. Ray lets Beer Money know their time is coming.

- In the back, NASCAR driver Hermie Sadler is taken out by Awesome Kong. Or a stunt double is. Either way, it looked bad.

Main Event: Kevin Nash & Kurt Angle vs. Matt Morgan & Abyss

Abyss and Angle start. Angle goes behind Abyss before applying a side headlock. Abyss whips him off and shoulder blocks him. Angle rolls out to the floor to talk strategy with Nash. Kurt unloads with some offense which does nothing to the Monster. Off the ropes and Angle runs into a clothesline. Abyss does his best Mick Foley impersonation in the corner (albeit a lot slower) before big booting Angle. Shock Treatment connects for 2 ½. Tag to Morgan who runs into a few kicks to the knee. Morgan fights back with the Carbon Footprint for 2 ¾. And it’s commercial time!

Three minutes later we return with Morgan elbow dropping Angle for 2 ½. Tag to Nash who takes his time getting into the ring. Morgan and Nash stare each other down before coming to blows. Morgan takes advantage with quicker rights before Angle cheap shots Morgan. Clothesline by Nash for 2. Knees to the midsection in the corner by Nash. Nash follows them up with some elbows to the head. Nash chokes away at Morgan with a big boot (MOVESET). Angle tags in and goes to work on the knee. He drops two elbows before wrenching at the knee. Morgan fights out with his other leg. European uppercuts stagger Morgan but the Angle Slam is escaped. Morgan takes down Angle with a clothesline.

Here comes Beer Money! Hot tag to Abyss who clotheslines Nash, Angle, Nash, and then Angle again. Splash in the corner to both men. Side slam connects on Nash for 2. Angle makes the save but is dumped to the outside. Abyss follows allowing Morgan to trade blows with Nash. Morgan runs into an elbow before missing a big boot. Abyss and Angle return to the ring. Storm smashes a bottle onto Abyss’s head allowing Nash to deliver a mean big boot. That picks up the victory!

Winner: Kevin Nash & Kurt Angle @ 10:36 (7:18 shown) via pin.
# Decent match. The MEM really need another wrestler that can wrestle each week as Nash looked so old compared to the other three wrestlers. That really dragged down an otherwise decent match. Overall, if you missed it, you really didn’t miss much.
RATING: * ½

It’s main event interview time with Mick Foley. Foley acknowledges that each member of the MEM had a huge impact on wrestling in the past. He even accepted for a time being that they were the biggest stars in TNA. He even calls the MEM the greatest stable ever to step in the wrestling ring. After putting an initial stake in the TNA Originals, he know believes that the MEM might be the future of TNA. As the Executive Shareholder of TNA, Foley books two huge co-main events for Final Resolution. In the first main event:

Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, & TNA Champion Sting vs. Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and two mystery partners
- If the MEM wins, Sting retains his title
- If the TNA Originals win, AJ Styles becomes the new TNA Heavyweight Champion

In our second main event, Kurt Angle will take on Rhino!

Kurt calls his matchmaking BULLSHIT and asks Foley why Jeff Jarrett is a pussy. Angle throws a bitchfit and demands a match against Jeff Jarrett at Final Resolution. And if he can’t have Jarrett, he wants Foley! Angle bitchslaps Foley but before he can do any more damage, Jarrett hits the ring. As the founder of TNA wrestling, he will not allow Kurt to destroy everything he built. Jarrett adds a stipulation to the main event: if Kurt Angle beats Rhino, he gets his match with Jeff Jarrett. However, if Rhino beats Kurt Angle, Angle is fired! Jarrett offers a handshake but Angle slaps him. Rhino appears out of nowhere and GOARS Angle!

*End scene.

“

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iMPACT! (11.13.08)

[ No Comments ] Posted on 11.14.08 under TNA Wrestling Blog

NEWS: |411M| It’s the iMPACT! after Turning Point and here’s what happened…

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