“

-JB welcomes us to the show, and promises a public workout from Kurt Angle, Booker welcoming back Sharmell, AJ bringing a special guest to the arena as well as Rhino vs. Tomko.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show and run down what we’ll see tonight.

~WELCOME BACK SHARMELL~
Booker T makes his way to the ring, all pimped out in a suit. He has a table set up in the ring and has some champagne out there as well. He is doing this to welcome back Sharmell to the Impact Zone.

Sharmell makes her way to the ring with the strap that she used to give a beat down to everyone and their mother at Destination X. We see footage of the epic beat down. Booker welcomes her back and she gets the welcome back chant. He wants to tell her that he will never put her in harms way again. “I love you baby.”

This brings out Robert Roode and Payton Banks. He says not to worry, she won’t be in harms way tonight. Jim Cornette is out with Matt Morgan and he says to settle down. Cornette says there was a problem at Destination X, and while his decisions may not be right, he does his best. Sharmell came into the ring and she wasn’t supposed to be there. She whipped Roode and Banks, that didn’t bother him, but she whipped the refs, security, the refs and himself! He didn’t appreciate that. It needs to be settled at Lockdown. He will get Roode in the cage at Lockdown…it will be Roode and Banks vs. Booker and Sharmell! Booker is pissed and tears up the table in the ring. Cornette then says since he has so much energy, he will have a match tonight, with AJ Styles tonight!

-In the back with Crystal. AJ is there and pissed about having the match tonight. He has a super special guest tonight and wasn’t even booked! 3D and Devine come in and tell AJ to relax. They say AJ is part of the family now. They will be their partners at lethal Lockdown. He says that the people want them to fight, but they won’t give them that. Ray says they will be a well oiled machine and they will destroy Cage and Nash in the cage. Ray tells him to get ready, and Uncle Ray and Devon will be watching. Beware Booker.

-JB is with Kaz and Eric Young. Kaz puts over Eric for being so great lately. Eric says Super Eric is around somewhere, and he feels safe that he is around. Kaz asks if Eric is ready, as long as the monsters aren’t around.

Kaz and Eric Young vs. Scott Steiner and Petey Williams w/Rhaka Khan

Petey and Kaz to begin. Arm drags and an arm bar by Kaz. They trade arm drags, a roll up by Kaz for 2. Back to the arm bar goes Kaz, tag to Eric and he works the arm. To the corner they go, rights by Petey, Eric counters and slams Petey down and covers for 2. Petey tags Steiner in, Don West seems to be losing his voice by the way. Steiner in, knees to Eric and chops follow. Off the ropes, Kaz tags in and clubbing shots by Steiner. Off the ropes and kicks by Kaz, off the ropes and tripped up by Khan, which allows Steiner to get an overhead toss. Steiner slams Kaz to the corner, chops and then a clothesline, elbow drop and pushups follow. Slammed to the corner is Kaz, chops and a tag to Petey. Slingshot lung blower by Petey and a cover for 2. Octopus hold by Petey, escape and a dropkick by Kaz. Tags to Steiner and Eric. Eric with rights, a dropkick and then a DVD to Petey gets 2 as Steiner makes the save. Kaz in and cleans out Steiner, counters the destroyer into the backdrop piledriver! Eric up top…the Monsters are out and talk to Eric on the mic, distract him and Steiner is in and gets the top rope Samoan Drop (HE ISN’T EVEN SAMOAN) for the win.

Winners: Steiner and Williams @ 5:25 via pin

-Steiner is not happy still, and they handcuff Petey and bag his head again. More initiation for you young man.

-Tenay sat down with Christian and Rhino earlier today. Rhino refused earlier, but eventually accepted. Tenay lays down the law to Cage, saying he better not set him up. Cage says he reflected on things, and he knows that he has done wrong to get where he is. He thought of the people he hurt, and it didn’t bother him. He considered Rhino a friend still. Through Rhino’s problems he should have been there, but he wasn’t. He says team Cage needs him, he told Nash that they needed Rhino. Rhino says he isn’t a fool. Rhino says it isn’t that he hurt him, but hurt his friends and family. One day his daughter watched TV and she saw him, bloodying her father up. His wife turned it off and then saw his daughter cry. His daughter asked, “Why is uncle Christian hurting daddy?” His wife had to say that they were just playing. He hurt the people he loved, and that bothered him. How will Cage fix things with Kiara? Rhino walks off.

Tomko vs. Rhino

They stand off, talk smack, shove and then unload with rights on each other! Kicks by Rhino, an Irish whip, reversal and Rhino hits hard and drops. Rhino fires back, but eats a big boot and Tomko covers for 2. Rhino fights back, clotheslines Tomko to the floor and we’ll head to a commercial @ 1:30.

Back from commercial @ 5:15 with Rhino fighting out of a headlock, elbows out and gets a lariat to Tomko. Corner spear by Rhino, and then a belly to belly connects. Rhino sets for the gore, AJ is out, nails Rhino and Tomko gets a lariat for the win.

Winner: Tomko @ 6:15 via pin

-The fans are pointing under the ring to tell the ref that AJ is under there. Earl finds him and starts to yell at him. Earl is not happy, AJ denies doing anything wrong and then AJ and Tomko lays the beat down on Rhino. Christian Cage is out to stop that and evens the odds. They clear the ring and then stand off. Cage offers his hand to Rhino…and Rhino accepts. Just as that happens Team 3D hits the ring and we get the 4 on 2 beat down. Thankfully Nash and his tag team partner the Steel Chair end that. Jim Cornette is now out, and says since 3D wants some action tonight, they will face Cage and Rhino later tonight!

-Machismo and Val date footage is shown. They are in a pricey place so they order waters. Machismo asks about a kids menu, but is denied. Sonjay shows up as the waiter, he apparently works there when he isn’t wrestling. Machismo asks about a discount as Sonjay hits on Val.

X-SCAPE QUALIFYING MATCH: Homicide w/Salinas and Hernandez vs. Sonjay Dutt

Lock up and an arm drag by Dutt to begin. He makes sweet eyes at Val after that. He continues to do so, Homicide gets a back elbow off of that and then they trade some shots, cool bridging suplex by Homicide gets 2. Suplex by Homicide and a cover for 2. To the corner, Dutt gets a shot and as he goes for a springboard he slips and falls into the ring. Val looks concerned as Dutt favors the knee. Homicide backs off as Dutt appears to be injured, Homicide wants the bell to be rung, but Dutt TRICKED HIM and rolls up Homicide for the win.

Winner: Sonjay Dutt @ 2:30 via pin

-Dutt dances around and makes sweet eyes at Val again. Dutt offers hugs to Hernandez and Homicide, but ends up eating a border toss for his troubles. As LAX celebrates the beat down and the cash they stole, Val checks on Dutt.

-Crystal is with Booker T and Sharmell. Crystal is OFFENDED that Sharmell is being placed into a match at Lockdown. Booker said he promised her that she wouldn’t be in harms way, but now she has to go into the cage with Roode. Booker says if Roode looks at her the wrong way, he will mess him up. As far as AJ goes, you are phenomenal, but tonight is business. Get ready and bring you’re a-game.

-More Rough Cuts with BG and Kip. They talk about the James Gang being forced, and that wrestling had changed. Kip says he gave and sacrificed, and felt like he was always trying to get BG to step up his game and to go to the gym. BG says he has family stuff, and isn’t the Road Dogg anymore. Kip says you don’t blow off your partner. BG thought they were better than ever as far as their relationship, but apparently he was wrong. Kip is mad, he had to carry Brian, well, maybe 60% he says.

-AJ is out for his match. There is a special reserved seat at ringside for his guest. His special guest is a beautiful, intelligent and an honorable woman. Please stand for his personal Princess, Karen Angle! She has her own entrance music and AJ escorts her to her seat and kisses her hand.

AJ Styles vs. Booker T w/Sharmell

Booker goes to work with rights to begin. He turns AJ inside out with one, slams him down and then gets the chops. To the corner, AJ tries to fight back but a corner clothesline by Booker connects. AJ comes back with chops, an Irish whip and AJ misses the corner splash. Superkick by Booker takes AJ down and he covers for 2. Booker lays the boots to AJ, Roode is on the ramp, distracts Booker and that allows AJ to get a side kick and cover for 2. We head to commercial @ 2:30.

Back from commercial @ 6:55 as AJ gets a slingshot plancha onto Booker. Cornette and Matt Morgan came out during the break to toss Roode from the ringside area. PELE by AJ connects and he covers for 2. Off the ropes, reversal and a sidekick by Booker connects. A side slam follows and a cover for 2. Off the ropes, AX kick avoided and another PELE by AJ. Banks is out and attacks Sharmell and Sharmell starts to strap her! TAKE THAT BITCH! AJ is worried about Karen in the commotion, which allows Booker to roll up a distracted AJ for the pin.

Winner: Booker T @ 9:16 via pin

-After the match, AJ looks for Karen, but she has disappeared!

-Back from commercial and Crystal is with Riesha Saeed and KONG. Saeed says she has a new message from Kong. The SWINES ODB and Kim failed at Destination X. They were doomed. Kong is strong and prepared always. They tried to steal the title she earned. Kong is a machine, and will destroy anyone and anything in her path. Last week was a warning, and they will suffer the wrath of Kong. Soon, their destruction will commence.

ODB and Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky

ODB and Love to begin. Lock up and to the corner, and a clean break. Headlock by ODB, shoulder block off the ropes and then they both kip up and stand off. Love slaps her ass, ODB does as well and Sky tags in. Drop toehold by ODB, she spanks Sky and tags in Kim. Chops by Kim, uppercuts and off the ropes, float over and Love helps Sky avoid an arm drag. Love tags in, forearms by Kim and then a 2nd rope cross body gets 2 for Kim. Kim with the LUCHA arm drag, off the ropes and Sky knees her in the back, allowing Love to get a bicycle kick. The strippers take control with the double elbow drop and get a cover for 2. A bulldog by Sky gets 2. Tag back to Love, snap mare by Sky and basement dropkick by Love gets 2. Kim fights back, she tries to look for the tag…and gets it. Sky in as well and ODB cleans house. X-Factor on Sky gets 2. Kim and Love brawl, spear by Kim on Love! Jawbreaker by Sky on ODB, off the ropes and ODB gets the running powerslam and that is all.

Winners: ODB and Gail Kim @ 5:25 via pin

-Next week you will be able to vote for Awesome Kong’s opponent on the LIVE Impact special.

-Roxxi is now out and goes after Love and Sky, chasing them out of the arena.

-JB is with Kurt Angle, who is preparing for his public workout. Angle says there is no fun, no games, no BS and NO KAREN. They are weeks from Lockdown, Joe put it all on the line, and he has wanted to eliminate Joe. Now he has the chance. Joe is off training, and he should be. Kurt is more focused than ever, and he will bloody and punish FOUR human beings tonight! It’s real…it’s DAMN REAL~!

-We get a video package of Samoa Joe training. They have Marcus Davis (MMA Fighter) and editor from Real Fighting Magazine, discussing the match and such. That rocked, short, but the right way to do it.

~KURT ANGLE’S PUBLIC WORKOUT~
Angle comes out and will have four men to battle. The first dude has MMA gloves on. Angle has no wrestling boots or shoes on, just taped ankles. Angle works the double leg, side control and a choke to finish it.

Victim #2 is in, he tries some leg kicks but Angle works some knees. Angle works a heel hook and dude is done.

Victim #3 is in, this guy is supposedly a boxing guy and as he tries to throw, Angle gets a guillotine and that is all.

FRANK TRIGG WILL BE ON IMPACT NEXT WEEK TO HYPE THE BIG FIGHT!

Angle head butts the last dude off of a handshake and starts to ground and pound and the ref stops it. He is busted open big time.

Angle gets the mic and tells Joe to keep training, because it will not matter. Angle shows off the bloody taped fist. This ruled.

-JB is with Team Tomko. Tomko says he should have been a leader the whole time, because he already has his team. All Cage has is washed up Nash and Rhino, a guy who hates him more than he does. Tomko promises to break Cage at Lockdown. Devon says this is the pack that will roll together, and Team Cage doesn’t have a chance. Devon says maybe they could get Curry Man, the Guns or maybe Shark Boy to help. Beat us if you can, survive if we let you. Tazz, is that you? Ray tries to take AJ’s title as he delivers the testify line.

-We get a Consequences Creed promo. APRIL 10TH!

-Next we get a video history on Cage and Rhino.

Team 3D (Ray and Devon) vs. Christian Cage and Rhino

Cage and Devon to begin. Nope, Rhino decides to tag himself in and GET HIMSELF SOME! Devon with a cheap shot, an Irish whip, counter and corner spear by Rhino. Tag to Cage, boots to Devon. Devon back with rights, off the ropes and Cage slides out, pulls Ray to the floor, up top now and a back spinning elbow to Devon gets 2. Devine trips up Cage, which allows Devon to get control. Rhino goes to chase Devine, but eats a clothesline from Ray. We head to a commercial @ 1:55.

Back from commercial @ 5:25 with Ray controlling the bout over Cage. Devon in, a slam and he goes to the 2nd rope and MISSES a head butt. NEXT WEEK WE GET ANOTHER WORKOUT FROM ANGLE. As Ray distracts the ref, Cage gets a roll up and only gets 2. Cage counters a reverse suplex, gets the inverted DDT and looks for a tag. Tags to Ray and Rhino, Rhino on fire with rights. A backdrop to Ray, one to Devon and then clotheslines them both! Spinebuster to ray gets 2. They toss Rhino to the floor, Cage back in and works over Devon. Ray in, grabs up Cage, they go for the Doomsday Device, but Cage gets a victory roll and Rhino tosses Devon off and he head butts Ray in the balls! Cage dives onto Devine! GORE to Ray! 1…2…NO as Tomko stops that. That’s a DQ.

Winners: Cage and Rhino @ 8:37 via DQ

AJ is out with Tomko and they beat down Rhino. Cage is back in but the numbers get to him. Nash makes his way out now and tries to even things up, but 3D shoots for the knees and beat him down. Sharky and Curry Man are out as are the Guns, but they don’t do jack and are beaten down as well. 3D on Curry Man! 3D on Cage! Team Tomko is running wild! Tornado Plex on Sharky!

LIGHTS OUT!

Sting’s music hits! Team Tomko looks around the arena as Tenay and West hype that Sting will be there next week.

“

“

-We get a video package, detailing the events of last week. If TNA put half as much effort into their shows as they do these recaps, they’d be on fire. For a short clip at the start of the show, this was incredible.

PYRO!

- You may have noticed I’m not Larry Csonka. I’m his non-union Canadian equivalent, Chris Lansdell of The Way I C It. Please be aware that my star ratings are probably all over the place, so don’t get your panties in a bunch if you disagree.

- Every time I hear Tenay go “…yes,…”, I’m taking a drink. I should be unconscious before the second hour. Rellik is killer spelled backwards means chugging.

Jim Cornette is in ring to announce a double main for Lockdown. 1st is Joe-Angle eleventy billion. Second is Lethal Lockdown. AJ and Christian as captains I’m guessing…Christian is introduced to a good pop. Face turn cemented. Aw crap, Tomko is the other captain. Still a good choice. Cornette gives them 2 weeks to assemble. Cage brings up Tomko screwing him out of the world title and calls him Angle’s lapdog and a pussy. Oh snap! Tomko snaps and we have a brawl. AJ is out and the heels beat on Cage until Nash makes the save.

TO THE BACK and JB is with Karen Angle. JB gets in the cheap flirting and asks about the bombshell she’s delivering tonight, but Karen won’t spill the beans until after Kurt’s match tonight. Stay tuned viewers! PLEASE!

Crystal is with Scott Steiner, Rhaka Khan and Petey Williams. They’re talking about the cases. Steiner controls the title picture apparently, which explains why everyone else is getting a title shot. He needs Petey to bring something to the table, so he needs to win tonight vs. Curry Man to qualify for the X-Division shot at Lockdown. Petey thinks it would be better if Steiner shared his X-division shot. No Dice.

We get a shot of Joel “Truck” Anderson in the crowd. Yay. No Fairplay though, thank God.

Maple Leaf Muscle Petey Williams (w/ Rhaka Khan) vs. Curry Man

Excuse me, I feel the urge to dance. Petey poses while Curry Man dances. Fabulous. Petey looks “well”. That TNA drug program is doing wonders I see. Petey gets pissed at the dancing, throws a boot, which is blocked, Curry Man with the headlock, backed into the ropes, Petey drops down and Curry Man dances on his back! Fabulous. Another curried headlock, Petey drops down and uses the momentum to throw Curry Man to the outside. Slingshot rana to the outside by Petey!!! Curry Man back in as Petey stands on the apron waiting…slingshot codebreaker gets 2. Back breaker into a neckbreaker by Petey gets another 2. Damn but Rhaka Khan is ugly. Snapmare by Petey into a chinlock. Curry Man uses the old elbows to the gut to escape, runs to the ropes and into a drop toehold by Petey and a running dropkick on the ropes. Petey measures Curry Man and it ends up being an exchange of tilt-a-whirly stuff. Dropkick by Curry Man and both men are down. Back elbow, whip and a backdrop by Curry Man. CurryLine, then he perches Petey in the corner backwards, backs off then slams in with the butt butt!!! I miss Iceman King Parsons. Curry Man up top and hits a cross body but Rhaka Khan is on apron to prevent the count. Petey takes advantage of the distraction and hits a back kick, Curry Man ducks the next attack, causing Petey to run into Rhaka Khan. Northern lights suplex with a bridge gets 3!

Winner: Curry Man via pinfall (northern lights suplex w/ bridge)
# It was nothing special, but certainly not bad. It accomplished what it needed to, got Curry Man the win and managed to do some solid ring work in the process.
Rating: **

Steiner is out now with handcuffs and a blindfold, it seems. I’ll resist the urge to make any jokes, but Rhaka Khan does look like Shaniqua…

JB is with Jim Cornette, who mentions that JB failed his American Idol audition. See, we’re cool because we make pop culture references at random! Cornette offers Christian a tag match against StyleKo if Christian can find a partner. Nash, maybe? 3D are in and ask how it feels to be head pirate on a sinking ship. Brother Ray suggests Cornette eat a gun, and Cornette asks if he has one. I see. Tasteful. 3D are going to let Cornette know what they’re going to do before they do it. Isn’t that nice. Bubba shoots on Sharky, calling him a jobber, and reality stars, presumably Joel and Fairplay. Wonder where this is going. They threaten to kill any machine gun, retarded guppies or curry men, or any reality stars. So is Joel going to rescue someone, or are they going to pick on him?

We get a package on the history of Samoa Joe in TNA, mentioning his unbeaten streak, his moves and the fact that he ended Christian’s streak and made Kurt tap. As usual, a brilliantly done package.

Joe is out in a suit. Wow that’s incongruent. Did he sign that contract yet? Why do I feel it will be forgotten? Joe says he’s getting a fair shot at the title, which he was waiting for, for 3 years. Joe puts over Nash and the fans (cheap pop). He then promises that if he loses he will never be back in a TNA ring. Well that just about guarantees he will win then. He then says the next time we see him it will be with the belt. So he’s not going to be on Impact for a month, or is he going to attack Angle and steal the belt tonight?

Back from commercial, and Christian is with Crystal. Cage is looking for a partner and asks Rhyno to be his partner. In a stunning display of continuity for any wrestling program, Rhyno looks rather unconvinced and walks out after telling Cage in no uncertain terms that he should relocate himself forthwith.

Rellik is Killer spelled backwards and Black Reign vs. Motor City Machine Guns

The forgotten men vs. the men we wish we could forget. Black Reign kills Sabin outside while Rellik kills Shelley inside. Rellik is killer spelled backwards CHUG. Nice double team move by the monsters, double-team stun gun into a face-first powerbomb by Rellik on Alex Shelley. COMMERCIAL

WE ARE BACK and the monsters are killing Shelley still. DRINK. Rellik hits a huge superkick on Sabin who is standing on the apron. That was nice. Press slam countered by Shelley, who hits a spiffy back kick. Reign comes in, straight into a double team downward spiral-DDT on the monsters. Sabin in, missile dropkick on Black Reign, and a revolution head scissors on Rellik. Whip reversed, Sabin jumps over a charging Rellik, ducks a clothesline and nails an enziguiri. Running elbow by Sabin, then each man hits poetry in motion on a monster. Stereo superkick gets 2 for the Guns. Black Reign in, Shelley charges and gets backdropped over the top to the floor. Looked nasty. Sabin eats a stun gun in the corner and a huge lariat for the 3.

Winners: The Monsters via Pinfall (lariat on Sabin by Rellik)
# It could have been so much worse, but that’s not to say it was good. Some nice spots but too short and the result was oh so wrong. So very very wrong. Dear Machine Guns…you have been:

BEERIED!
Rating: **

Reign has the mic and calls out Super Eric. DRINK Ask and ye shall receive as Eric comes out complete with superhero music and lack of fear of pyro. EY cleans house on the monsters and stands tall. Umm, TNA? Gregory Helms on line 1, WWE on line 2.

To The Back and JB is with AJ Syles. JB reminds AJ who he is and makes sure he puts on the crown before opening the mystery door. It’s Karen, of course, and she wants to see AJ, touching scenes result. She had some stuff to take care of, but it wouldn’t be fair to tell him before Kurt. She does a lot of touching his face and leaves. Tomko comes barging in after Karen leaves and lays into AJ for having his head in his ass. Hey look, a tag team that is not getting along!

Match 3: Kaz vs. Kurt Angle
This should be good. We get the entrances then a commercial? Weird timing.

We’re back right into the bell. DRINK. Kaz controls the arm early, Angle with some shots to gain control. Irish whip reversed, a flurry of kicks by kaz ending in a jumping back heel for 2. Kaz telegraphs backdrop and eats Angle’s laces. Angle throws Kaz outside hard. He rolls Kaz back in and hits a vertical suplex for 2. Chinlock by Angle, Kaz with elbows to escape again, Kurt ducks one and hits the triple Germans…no! Kaz flips out of the 3rd and a double clothesline has both men down. Kaz does the block and punch routine. Irish whip reversed, Kaz ducks the clothesline and hits some of his own. Sloppy as hell slingshot DDT by Kaz gets 2.899. Angle with a knee, Kaz replies in kind then hits a gorgeous pump kick for 2. Angle rolls into the Angle lock, Kaz rolls through into Wave of the Future!!!!! which gets 2.977. That was close. Kaz backs him to the corner, lifts him to the top and goes for the flux capacitor!!! It’s blocked, Angle shoves Kaz down, but Kaz pulls an Angle, runs up the ropes and hits the Capacitor sloppily. 2.9998!!!!!! Kaz stalks Angle, goes for the Wave but it’s blocked into a takedown, Angle lock with the grapevine. Kaz fights it but can’t make the ropes and taps.

Winner: Kurt Angle via submission (angle lock)
# Yes, this was good. With another 5 minutes, it would have been amazing. As usual with TNA and even ECW, it felt like they tired to do too much in too little time. Kaz got in a lot of offense, which was fine, but he was getting very close falls on Kurt very early, which makes Kurt look weak and unable to take punishment. I have no problem with the result, but so many near falls for Kaz and so little offense for Angle just didn’t sit right with me. Oh, and there was some sloppiness too. Kaz is starting to remind me of someone in the WWE…someone with blonde hair and dark skin…
Rating: ***

Kurt has the mic and says he wants to hurt Joe more than Joe wants to hurt him. Joe is a loser, but Kurt is the best. To be the best of all-time, though, he needs to beat Joe. He goes on to call Joe fat. Karen is out to say she’s really a man. Oh, my bad, she wants a separation. Sorry, didn’t we have this LAST time Joe fought Angle? Angle loves the idea, it gives him more time to focus on Joe. He wants to make sure Karen will take the kids! Wow, this is bad. Karen is upset and Kurt is confused. Russo at his finest.

We get the BG James/Kip James video package. it’s an interesting idea, and it would make people care about the wrestlers, if they were doing it to young, lesser-known guys. All this is doing is reminding people of WWE.

Rock and Rave Infection are with Crystal. JIMMY RAVE! Sorry. Lance Hoyt is doing a piss poor impression of Slash. They do their normal schtick and head out for their match with LAX.

Crowd shot shows the Detroit Tigers front row. Most of them, from the looks of it.

Rock n Rave Infection & Christy Hemme vs. LAX and Salinas

Rave and Homicide to start. Clothesline by Homicide, then a snap suplex gets 2. Irish whip reversed, leapfrog by Rave, but Homicide with the inverted atomic drop and an elbow gets 2. Rave fights back with a desperation jawbreaker and gets the tag to Lance Hoyt as we go to COMMERCIAL.

WE ARE BACK and Homicide is in charge with a big belly-to-belly throw. Hernandez gets the tag in and nails his overhead throw, then a big beale. He drops Hoyt, then busts out a sweet half nelson suplex on Rave. He may be dead. Hoyt breaks up the pin. Hernandez flies over the top with a tope onto Hoyt! That never ceases to amaze me. Homicide with a cutter and goes for the Gringo Killah, Rave slips out and a tag to Hemme! Salinas in and beats Hemme to a pulp. Inverted DDT by Salinas gets 2. Rave slides in a guitar and Hemme WAFFLES Salinas with it. That’ll be the 3.

Winners: Rock n Rave Infection via pinfall (Hemme pins Salinas after guitar-flavored shenanigans)
# Yeah, ok. They worked in their trademark spots, but once again it just didn’t do anything for me. The result and the booking were fine if this is going to be an ongoing feud, but all 4 men are capable of so much more.
Rating: *¾

Recap of the Lethal/SoCal date. Upshot is that Dutt hijacks the date.

Crystal is with Angelina Love, Velvet Sky and Roxxi Laveaux for the makeover. Roxxi freaks out and the blonde bombers annihilate her. “We’re just trying to help you, you freak!” Fabulous.

Back from commercial, Gail Kim is with JB. Gail is not sure why she has Velvet tonight but the thing between her and Kong is far from over. Good.

Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Headlock takedown by Kim, Sky up but gets put in a hammerlock. Sky goes to the ropes and lays in some shots. Irish whip to the corner by Sky, who follows her in but Kim goes up over the top, smacks in the forearms, then walks up the ropes with the lucha arm drag. Kim charges but eats a drop toehold into the ropes. Choke by Sky in the ropes. Snap mare, kick to the spine and basement dropkick by Sky gets 2. Another choke. Gail fights back with forearms and chops, tries a whip but eats a boot. Sky comes off the ropes with a bulldog for 2. Kim is in the corner and down, Sky goes for the Bronco Buster but Kim moves. Clotheslines by Kim, whip to the corner and the worst monkey flip ever by Kim. Straitjacket neckbreaker by Kim, but Angelina Love is on the apron, causing the ref and Gail to be distracted. Sky tries for a slam but it gets reversed into another sloppy move, an air raid crash this time, for the 3.

Winner: Gail Kim via pinfall (Air raid crash)
# Is this sloppy move and jump on the apron night? This is probably one of the worst Knockouts matches we’ve seen so far. Sadly. It’s better than almost any WWE Diva match we’ve seen in a long time.
Rating: *

Angelina is in and we have a 2-lady beat down on Gail. She ducks a double clothesline and escapes, but KONG!!! attacks her from behind. KONG!!! nails a tree slam, but Kim escapes the Awesome bomb and hits Kong with a spear. She lays in the fists, but Saeed is in and nails Gail with a belt shot. KONG with the short arm clothesline. Crowd wants ODB. 2nd try for the Awesome bomb and HERE’S ODB with chair. Kong reluctantly backs down.

To The Back and Crystal is asking Cage about his partner AGAIN. Nash wants to be the guy. Plenty of diesel left in this tank, fabulous. Cage agrees and we have the match that should just have been made in the opening segment. Waste of my time. Take all this backstage nonsense and give some time to matches. You are wrestling, remember?

Christian Cage and Kevin Nash vs. StyleKo

Brawl before the bell on the outside. Cage hits AJ on the rail and rolls him in. AJ with some stiff shots, Cage comes back with a back elbow. AJ goes for a rana, blocked and a big powerbomb gets 2 for Cage. Nicely done, smoothly executed. Tomko is in and hits a powerslam on Cage. As long as Nash stays right there on the apron, I’m cool. Chops in the corner by Tomko. Tag to AJ who lays in the boots. Tomko in now and Cage fights back with chops. Tomko pokes the eye and scoops him up, Cage slips out and hits the inverted DDT. we head to commercial as Angle comes down the ramp.

We’re back and we see Angle getting involved and removed by Security. AJ is in control nonetheless, and makes a tag to Tomko. Corner beat down by the champs. Cage fights back again but Tomko lays in a big chop and a snap suplex for 2. Cage with more chops, he runs for the tag but is picked up and perched on the opposite buckle by Tomko, who then eats a tornado DDT and both men are down! Cage gets the tag and Nash is a house! en! fuego! Side slam to AJ gets 2, broken up by Tomko. Tomko to the ropes and Cage gets low bridges him to the outside. Styles in control, goes for the clash on Nash (!!), who of course hits the backdrop. Jacknife powerbomb by Nash, frog splash by Cage gets 2 before Tomko saves. 3D are out and are beating down on Nash??!!? Guess we know Tomko’s team. Nash gains control, Cage is back in but Tomko puts the numbers back in favour of the heels. Tornadoplex to Cage. StyleKo hold Nash down while 3D destroy his knee with steel chairs. 3D then confront Joel and start beating him down. We end with Ray pasting him hard.

Winners: Cage and Nash by DQ
# Well I guess the main purpose of the match was to tease Lethal Lockdown and show us Tomko’s team. It accomplished that. Once again, the match wasn’t bad, but it failed to catch my interest.
Rating: **¼

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- The Latin American Xchange defeated The Motor City Machineguns and The Rock N’ Rave infection to become the new #1 contenders to the TNA World Tag Team Championship. Hernandez got the pin on Jimmy Rave after hitting him with the Border Toss.

- “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal retained the X Division Championship by defeating “Maple Leaf Muscle” Petey Williams, despite interference by Scott Steiner and Rhaka Khan. After the triple-team, Williams hit the Canadian Destroyer on Lethal, but SoCal Val pulled the referee. Khan went after Val, but Sonjay Dutt came out to back off Steiner’s freak. Back in the ring, Lethal surprised Williams with a small package for the win.

- Kaz and Eric Young defeated Black Reign and Rellik in tag team action. Young was once again scared of Rellik and Black Reign, but left the match and later returned as his alter-ego “Super Eric” to battle the monsters and get the win! Using superhuman strength, Super Eric hit a DOUBLE Death Valley Driver on Reign and Rellik to pin Reign and get the victory.

- Awesome Kong retained the TNA Women’s Championship over Gail Kim and ODB when Raisha Saeed interfered and cost ODB the bout. Gail Kim and ODB worked together early on to try to stop Kong, but they eventually turned on each other as the match progressed.

- Shark Boy and Curry Man defeated Team 3D in the “Fish Market Street Fight”. Johnny Devine accidentally blinded Brother Ray with powder, leading to Ray mistakenly hitting his Team 3D finisher on Devon, allowing Shark Boy to get the win. Following the bout, Team 3D shoved “Survivor” star Joel “Truck” Anderson, who was at ringside along with Johnny Fairplay. TNA security stepped in before the confrontation could escalate.

- Robert Roode defeated Booker T in the “Stand By Your Man” strap match after using a pair of handcuffs to knock Booker out. Booker was so angry with the decision that he had to be taken out of the ring by security. After the bout, Payton Banks strapped Traci Brooks unmercifully. Eventually, Sharmell made her return with a leather strap and not only tore up Roode and Banks but took the leather to anyone that got in her way! Before TNA security took Sharmell out of the ring, she even strapped Jim Cornette!

- “The War Machine” Rhino defeated “Cowboy” James Storm in the Elevation X match, which certainly lived up to the daredevil, high-risk reputation. In the end, Storm tried to hide under the steel structure, but Rhino found him and kicked him off Elevation X! Storm fell all the way down to the ring through a table! Storm had to be stretchered out of the ring as Rhino celebrated atop the steel structure.

- In the main event, the team of Samoa Joe, Christian Cage and Kevin Nash started with the 3-on-2 advantage against The Angle Alliance. AJ Styles and Tomko started the bout, with Kurt Angle later joining. Samoa Joe won the bout for his team by defeating Tomko with Clutch. On April 13 at Lockdown, Samoa Joe will challenge Kurt Angle for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship inside the Six Sides of Steel!

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-We get highlights of last week’s show.

-Cornette is in his office, apparently yelling at Morgan as JB runs down the card. Cornette comes out and says he was at the doctors, and while he was gone, Morgan said Team Tomko can have a 5th man, James Storm. JB is dressed like a gay biker. Morgan says he did his job and stepped up.

~TEAM TOMKO SPEAKS~
Team Tomko is out to the ring. Tomko says they all do the thinking on this team, and it pays off. Ray then says having the tag champions and greatest tag team of all time together is awesome. He thanks Morgan for allowing them to have a 5th member, and then they introduce the man that turned the wrestling world upside down by attacking Sting last week, James Storm.

Team Cage is out, all wearing Team Cage shirts. Cage calls Storm a lush, and says he cannot understand him. Cage calls him semi-retarded. Last week he hit Sting, but tonight he has town up to it as he faces Sting tonight. He also reminds Tomko and AJ that they will have to face he and Rhino tonight. Next Cage calls out that big goofy ass Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan comes out and shakes hands and high fives with Team Tomko. Well that’s not good for Team Cage. When Cage asks about the 5th man, Tomko says that he can go get anyone he wants, even one of those MMA fighters that are training Joe. Cage says it looks like he has some egg on his face, and if they have to, all 4-members of Team Cage will fight the five members of Team Tomko at Lockdown. Cage closes by saying that he may have one last ace up his sleeve.

-Angle arrives and JB asks him about the sparring match he mentioned last week. Angle is letting him off the hook this week. He and AJ are fine and as far as Karen goes, he doesn’t even know that name anymore. Angle then says Joe will have to live up to his word about quitting TNA if he loses. Eric Young come sin and says Super Eric is here tonight. Angle calls him a child and a moron. Angle proclaims that he is the only super hero here.

-Earlier today a car arrive with Petey hanging onto the hood. Steiner drove to the arena that way. He then says he will show how he runs TNA and will cash in on a title shot. He also says he will make a man out of Petey.

-Crystal is here with “The Monsters of Rock,” which are Black Reign, Rellik and The Rock and Rave Infection. Rellik threatens Eric Young and says that he needs to take his mask and cape and realize that he isn’t in Smallville anymore. Holy hell that was bad.

-The Rock and Rave Infection come out and Hemme does her intro.

LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) w/Salinas and the Motor City Machineguns (Sabin and Shelley) vs. Black Reign, Rellik is Killer spelled backwards and The Rock and Rave Infection (Hoyt and Rave) w/Hemme

Rave and Sabin to begin. Quick counters, off the ropes and a spin kick by Sabin. Tag to Alex, off the ropes and the atomic drop, basement dropkick and then Sabin off the back of Alex with a dropkick to Hoyt. Cide up top, tagged in and the Guns hold Rave and Cide gets a senton onto Rave. Reign and Rellik in, double team face plant on Cide connects. Eric Young is in the crowd, and he leaves. We head to commercial @ 1:55.

Back from commercial @ 4:55 with Cide still being beat down. Rave in, double elbow by Rave and Hoyt and a cover for 2. A slam by Rave, he goes to the 2nd rope, leaps into an atomic drop and then the Gringo Cutter by Cide! Hoyt in to stop the tag. Off the ropes, Cide got the tag to Hernandez and he flies into level them. He tosses Rellik, cleans house, catches Rave and gets a sit out powerbomb for 2! Hoyt takes him to the floor, the Guns are in and toss Hoyt. They do dives onto the Monsters, Rave in with Cide but Cide decides on a suicide dive to Hoyt. Hernandez in to kill Rave, yeah, BORDER TOSS on Rave. 1…2…3. Rave is officially Hernandez’s bitch.

Winner: LAX and The Motor City Machineguns @ 7:20 via pin

-The Monsters beat down LAX after the match, Kaz is out and starts to beat them down but Hoyt chokeslams him. LAX and the Guns get beat down, and SUPER ERIC makes his way out to save the day. He tosses Hoyt, dual dropkick to the monsters and they are gone.

-JB is with Sting. They discuss last week, and Sting says it is great to be back where he belongs. He thought he had something to give again and wanted to step up to the plate one last time. But he didn’t plan on Storm attacking him. Storm may have well tosses gas on a fire, and Sting promises to make Storm a star tonight. It’s Showtime.

~ROUGH CUTS~
Kip was full of rage when he decided to make the split. And Bryan’s dad was in the wrong place. BG says he hurt his ego, and will do more than that the next time they meet. He hit his old man, and he should have taken it out on him. It gets serious. Kip says BG threw his whole career away for an Armstrong reunion. The two brothers need to go out back, beat each other down and settle it. Kip doesn’t want a relationship because it is over.

~A SITDOWN WITH KONG AND SAEED~
Tenay sat down with them earlier today. Tenay wanted to do this interview for a while, but Riesha had some conditions. No personal stuff, and that they could terminate the interview anytime they wanted. Tenay says little is known about them, and asks where they are from. Saeed is from Syria. Kong is from America, but makes her home in Japan. Tenay asks how long they have known each other. Saeed says many years, they met in the dojo and have trained, worked and battled together. Saeed says not to ask about her burka. Tenay then says Kong has been dominant, and asks if anyone can take Kong. Saeed says no. And that’s it.

-We get a Consequences Creed video package.

-Crystal is with Storm and Jackie. Storm says a 20-foot fall couldn’t keep him down, he and Jackie were at home drinking. He saw Cage and Rhino kiss and make up, and they actually call HIM brokeback? Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He has no respect for Sting. He doesn’t care that he is a legend or an ICON. Storm is already famous, and tonight HE becomes an ICON and he will slap the paint off of Sting’s face. Sting can yell all he wants, because he will put his fist down Sting’s throat. SORRY BOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK!

Non-Title Match: Tomko and AJ Styles © vs. Christian Cage and Rhino

Cage and Tomko to begin. Tomko ruches him to the corner, but Cage is back with chops. A spin kick connects for Cage, and he celebrates. Tomko fires back, misses a charge and then Cage tosses AJ to the floor. Corner mounted rights by Cage, tossed off and Tomko press slams him, but Cage escapes and tags in Rhino. They double-team Tomko and then double backdrop AJ. Tomko with a knee to Rhino, backs him to the corner and AJ tags in. Chops by Rhino now, off the ropes and AJ with the sweet dropkick. He rakes Rhino’s eyes, gets a boot to the head but then runs into a powerslam by Rhino for 2. Tag to Cage, he lays the boots to AJ. Off the ropes and Cage fights off Tomko and AJ, but Tomko stuns him off of the ropes and eats a PELE by AJ and AJ covers for 2. We head to a commercial @ 3:30.

Back from commercial @ 6:45 with Tomko getting a powerslam on Cage for 2. Cage tries to come back, but eats a back elbow. Tag to AJ, he comes in with a chinlock to Cage. Cage fights to his feet, but AJ tags Tomko back in and they maintain control. Cage fights back, dives for a tag and gets it but the ref didn’t see it. Tomko is killing Cage with rights, AJ then chokes him out and tries to stop Cage from a tag try. Enziguri by AJ gets 2. AJ and Tomko working the double teams now, Cage in with AJ and working for a tag again. Cage comes back with an Implant DDT for a close 2! Cage looking for the tag, he kicks away at AJ and gets the tag! But the ref didn’t see it again as Tomko distracted the ref! The ref yells at Rhino, who them GORES the ref! Rhino in to clean house, AJ and Tomko try the tornado plex, but Rhino tosses out AJ. UNPRETTIER TO TOMKO! SICK GORE TO AJ WHO FLIP SELLS IT~! 3D is now out and then Nash is out with a chair to clear the ring. Jim Cornette is out and calls for the bell.

Winner: Tomko and AJ Styles @ 12:00 via DQ

-JB is with Cornette and Morgan. Cornette is yelling at Morgan, as usual. Cornette says it could be the worst night ever. Morgan says he will fix it. Tonight he will referee the Sting vs. Storm match, and he promises no problems. Cornette agrees, and says he better live up to it or next week a trained chimp will be doing his job. Cornette goes to find a ref’s shirt for Morgan, but he already has one.

~THE COURTSHIP OF VAL~
Val and Machismo are chilling in the hotel hot tub. He doesn’t have one at home and if you do not check into the hotel, it is free. Sonjay Dutt appears from the water, hilarity ensues.

X-Scape Qualifying Match: Elix Skipper vs. Shark Boy

Skipper attacks Sharky at the bell. Sharky fires back with rights, stomps a mud hole in hi and walks it dry. A bulldog by Sharky connects, to the 2nd rope and misses the fin drop. A spin kick by Skipper connect, Skipper looks to be back on his vitamins. A belly to belly by Skipper gets 2. To the floor they go, Skipper with a kick to the back of the head and then to the apron and crotches Sharky on the top rope. Sharky stops new school, missile dropkick by Sharky and both men are down. Rights by Sharky, off the ropes and the Thesz Press by Sharky. Fin drop follows and, then off the ropes, kick countered and a reverse neck breaker by Sharky gets 2. Skipper avoids a suplex, sets Sharky on the ropes and goes up top. Leaps all the way across for a cool looking leg drop for 2. Skipper up top, Sharky dropkicks him, then goes up and gets a top rope RANA on Skipper. The SHARK BOY CHUMMER finishes it.

Winner: Sharky @ 4:30 via pin

-Shark Boy, Curry Man, Johnny Devine and Sonjay Dutt have all qualified thus far for the X-Scape match to face Machismo.

-Crystal is with Traci Brooks. She is better from the beating at Destination X, but what happened is still in her mind. Tonight she and Banks face off, and tonight is about paybacks, and paybacks are a bitch, just like Banks. Love and Sky are here, and say that Banks is out of line. Is she isn’t careful, she’ll end up just like Roxxi.

-Crystal is with Sharky. She explains the X-Scape match, and then asks about Consequences Creed. He beat Elix’s BASS and will win at Lockdown. CURRY MAN IS HERE! He dances with Crystal, cuts one of his wacky promos, he and Sharky do the WHAT deal back and forth and then Sharky says his bass will be his at Lockdown. Curry man and Crystal dance more. Tremendous.

Traci Brooks vs. Payton Banks

They chase outside the ring, but when they get in Banks lays the boots to Brooks. Forearm shots by Banks, chops by Brooks and then a clothesline. Banks pulls her to the corner, gets a lung blower and then covers for 2. Cross face shots by Banks, she then chokes Brooks and then more boots by Banks. Back with the forearm shots, off the ropes, a boot by Brooks and another. Brooks spears Banks, double knee shots to the face and then to the corner they go. Face buster off the ropes by Brooks gets the win.

Winner: Traci Brooks @ 2:10 via pin

-After the match Sky and Love hit the ring and lay the beat down on Brooks. Salinas is out and breaks that up. Banks is back up and she and Brooks brawl again as Jackie hits the ring. She beats down Salinas and now Roxxi is out to attack Sky. Hemme is now out and the crowd wants ODB, but they get Sharmell with the strap! She cleans house and heels run. Booker is now out to call Sharmell back.

-Booker is yelling at Sharmell for getting in the ring. She says Booker knew he married a wild cat, welcome to the jungle baby!

-We get another Samoa Joe training video. Joe is training with a pack of wolves, like Davis, who also wants to be a champion. He says Kurt is working the old way, and he is world class and a great, but when it comes to wrestling, it takes more than a single leg to be a champion. He will beat his ass every time he tries to shoot on him. That gold medal doesn’t mean shit Kurt!

~THE CHAMP IS HERE~
Angle now comes to the ring. He says three weeks ago Joe said if he didn’t become the champion, that he would quit wrestling forever. Since Samoans are liars, next wee, he wants Joe to sign a legal document stating that if he doesn’t pin or make Angle tap, Joe will have to walk away forever.

Scott Steiner is out with his freak. Steiner says he hears Angle talking, bur he is here to set him straight. After Lockdown, he is cashing in his world title shot. After Angle and Joe kill each other, they have to fight him. But he will do it the fair way, and give them one month to prepare. At Sacrifice, Steiner will challenge whoever the champion is. Angle offers to shake, and Steiner refuses. He says to win first at Lockdown. And the way Joe is training, Angle isn’t going to win.

-JB is with Cornette and Morgan. Morgan is talking about money and says at Lockdown, they should have a queen of the cage match. All of the girls on the outside of the cage (minus ODB, Kim, Kong and Saeed.) They have to battle to get in. The first two to get in are in the match and then the winner in by pin. Reverse Battle Royal 2.0! Cornette says Morgan is crazy and then repeats the idea as if it was his idea. Wow.

-Kong and Saeed vs. ODB and Kim was also made official earlier in the show.

James Storm w/Jackie Moore vs. Sting – Matt Morgan is the Special Referee

Storm tries to attack, but that fails. They head to the floor and brawl by the announce table. They brawl up the ramp and then Sting tosses Storm down the ramp. They brawl into the crowd now, Storm whipped into the wall and as Morgan says to get it in the ring, Sting tosses him into the wall again. Moore grabs at Sting’s foot, but that allows Storm to get an Orton like Hangman’s DDT for 2. And we’ll head to a commercial @ 2:30.

Back from commercial @ 5:50. Sting fires up, beats down Storm and then delivers a backdrop. Eye poke by Storm, up top and Sting stops that. Sting up top…SUPERPLEX by Sting! 1…2…NO! Storm back with an Enziguri, but Sting stops the lung blower. Stinger splash misses, Storm gets the 8-second ride and covers for 2. Storm takes a drink, last call avoided and Sing goes for the deathlock. Moore up top and dives in, Morgan catches her and puts her on the apron. LOW BLOW by Storm. He gets the bat, Morgan stops that and tosses Sting the bat. Nails Storm as Morgan looks away, death drop and Sting wins.

Winner: Sting @ 8:50 via pin

-Team Tomko is out and they are pissed. They enter the ring and argue with Morgan. Ray is yelling and shoves Morgan. They surround him, and Team Cage is out! Big brawl now and Team Cage lays out Team Tomko. Morgan then levels Devon with a bicycle kick and gives AJ a suplex into a uranage! Team Cage fills the ring, and Cage rips off the ref shirt to reveal a TEAM CAGE SHIRT!

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